(This drawing is illustrative of my early sexual history. During that summer when I was 6 I spent alot of time in this position, looking and feeling like this. Later on, my sexual experiences remained similar to my boy rapings, only this time I was a little bigger and my anus and rectum could accommodate the adult male penis better than my six year old bottom could. Even to this day, this picture is indicative of what anal penetration is to me at times, and why doggystyle remains the favorite.)
During my Junior year in High School a jock I was acquainted with invited me spend the night at his parent's house (no one was home that night). I wasn't sure why he wanted me to spend the night as I hardly knew him and we had little in common. He being the strong, muscle-built jock, while I was a shy, meek, slender boy with hardly any muscles and little to none athletic ability. Once in his room, he told me he was going to fuck my ass because he had heard that I said I would get fucked for a thousand dollars. (this was a running joke between me and my friends). I told him I wasn't interested in this and he said I was getting fucked whether I wanted it or not, threatening to 'out' me at school if I didn't.
The jock quickly removed his clothes as I just stood there watching, sort of in shock about whether this was actually happening or not. Once naked he walked over to me and threw me to the ground. He told me to get undressed. I looked up at his penis as he stood above me. I wasn't ready for this and told him I didn't want to do this. It's too big I told him. To me his penis seemed like a foot long. It was 9 1/2 inches he told me. Not too big, he said, but it will probably hurt alot. At that point he gave me two choices: get undressed and get fucked like the fag I am, or get beaten up, fucked and outed by him at school anyway. Faced with those choices, I started undressing. Even though I was scared, I was curious about getting my butt fucked and what it would be like, now that I was older and understood what all of this penis in the anus was about. I figured it would hurt, but I wasn't expecting it to be as painfully bad as it would turn out to be, and how reinforcing a sexual act this would be on my life.
Once I was naked, the Jock threw a pillow down on the floor and told me to get on all fours. Shaking and scared on my hands and knees, the jock got behind me, took some water from a glass and smeared it on his penis. He grabbed my bottom and while saying 'don't move' forced the entire length of his penis into my anus and up my rectum in one quick thrust. In seconds I found my bottom again being hurt and sodomized by the complete and total penetration of a male penis. An absolute torrent of burning pain enveloped me and I screamed out as I experienced again the incredible pain of passive anal sex. The jock held my butt tight and pulled out most of the length of his penis and then quickly thrust back in. All I could do was cry out as he sodomized my bottom this way. The jock made no noise while buttfucking me, only asking me if it hurt a few minutes into the sodomizing. Between clinched teeth I said it hurt alot. He said 'good' and kept right on fucking me as hard and brutally as he could.
Eventually I started to cry from the pain and burning from the friction on my anus. The water made for terrible lube, but I didn't know any better, and the water was replaced by his sweat dripping down on my anus and adding to the burning and friction. He made a sort of moaning sound as he ejaculated in me and asked if I could feel him cumming up my butt. I told him no, all I felt was burning pain. He seemed pleased with this and as he pulled out said I was a fag now.
When he pulled out I was so relieved. My anus burned and throbbed painfully from his brutal fucking. After sodomizing me, he told me to beat off while he watched. I figured I might as well try to get some sexual stimulation out of this so I beat off. BIG MISTAKE. While masturbating he made a comment on how small my penis was, making me feel even lower. By the time I ejaculated, his penis was hard again and he was ready for round two. 'Get on all fours' he told me. Now I didn't want his big dick up my butt again at all, particularly after having just cum. I hadn't wanted sex with him to begin with and after such a brutal reinitiation into anal sex and just having ejaculated, I certainly had zero interest in anymore sex at that time. BUT (and this is a very important but), being the submissive boy I am and was certainly by that time, I sheepishly said 'ok'. I never even thought about the fact that the reason this was happening at all was because he had forced it on me with the fear of being outed. I did it because I WAS gay and being down on all fours, head down, bottom up, was and is who I am.
The jock positioned himself at my anal opening. Not bothering to lube his penis, saying the cum in my ass would do, he stuck it to me again. I thought I had experienced the full pain of sodomy the first time he fucked me, but I was wrong. When he penetrated me the second time there was nothing but complete and total pain as he entered me. My cries and screams let him know how it felt, and suddenly I was that six year old boy being sodomized again. I just cried and tried to take him the best I could. The jock sodomized me hard and painfully for an hour and a half that second time.
In the beginning it was doggystyle, continuing where he had left off, only this time there was nothing but feeling his penis stretching open my anus and banging hard into my rectum. No good and erotic sensations coming from my penis and balls, which were at least there during the first buttfucking and had helped some. I remember lying there on the pillow crying while he pounded away and thinking this was deja vu. It may have been 11 years later, but little had changed. Here I was again, head down, bottom up getting my crap pounded into paste by a rapist's penis and crying and screaming through it all.
After what seemed an age he pulled out and I thought it was over. He told me to stand up and bend over his bed. He pounded into me a mile a minute, commenting on how 'hot' it sounded. It was hot, my butthole felt like it was on fire. He was incredibly brutal in this position, pulling all the way out and thrusting back in as fast as he could while he held my buttcheeks spread open. Next it was on my back with my knees pinned to my ears where the buttfucking took on an entire new level of ferocity and pain. He stayed in this position for a long time and I don't know how I took it like I did. Finally back to doggystyle where after an hour and a half of some of the hardest, most intense buttfucking I have ever experienced he ejaculated in my butt again. I've never been so happy to have semen shot up my rectum as I was after that second time. He was relentless in his buttfucking of me.
You could say he raped me that night, but for me it didn't register in my mind as rape. He was doing to me what I had been born to do and what had been done to me years before. This is what I was for and the jock drove this point home hard over and over that I was made to have my butt fucked.
He never 'outed' me at school and made me have sex with him a number of times during my Senior year. The second time he shoved a plunger handle up my butt because I had done a crappy job at sucking his penis. It was my first time sucking dick in a long time, and as I said, he didn't exactly have a small penis. The bastard would beat me off after ejaculating his first load in me and then ram his penis up my ass for marathon sessions to pump his second load in me. I asked him why he did this and he told me he didn't want me to enjoy it. When he sodomized me it was always as intense and painful as that first night. He never used more than water for lube. He was abusive and made sure that the buttfuckings hurt as much as possible. Those encounters reinforced elements from my boyhood sodomizings that would be forever with me in terms of anal sex. Elements such as: Being sodomized hurts, if it's going in my butt it will be painful; My anus is my main sex, not my penis; and I was made to be buttfucked.