* Fucking  
Benjie Nycum

WE WOULD HAVE called this section "Buttsex,"-indeed, we did originally title it "Fucking Lots of Boys"!- but we decided we couldn't write that in a headline because it might make the Department of Homeland Sequeerity send us to a special jail. However, because those dudes can't read more than a four-word sentence, we can now reveal that your butt is a sexual organ. In fact, your anus is lined with nerve endings and is highly sensitive. Sometimes it's hard to believe that people go through their entire life without putting their fingers in or around their butt.

    Some people think anal sex is the only "real" gay sex. But surveys suggest that anal sex is not the predominant sexual activity among gay people. For some, anal sex is scary and painful, for others it feels great from the beginning. For those that find it painful, some patience and practice can make a big difference. Usually the ensuing pleasure is worth the initial pain. Take your time, relax.

    There are some key ingredients to successful anal sex: trust, relaxation, deriving pleasure, lubrication, patience, time, positioning and communication. The New Joy of Gay Sex recommends you spend some time getting to know what's going on down there with yourself-by yourself-first.

WHEN YOU'RE READY to try a penis in your butt, there are some positions that most people find more comfortable for starting out than others. One is to lie down side by side [spooning] which allows for most of your body to relax and prevents lateral movement.

    The other preferred starting method is to have your partner lie down with his dick in the air, and for you to sit on it. This gives you the most control and allows you to prevent him from entering too fast.

    The key in having a good and happy entry is to be very patient. There should be a long period of just finger/tongue/toy play around the anus. Anything that's relaxing is helpful, like massages-especially back, thigh and butt-cheek massages. Massage allows you to get familiar with your partner's sense of pressure and movement.

    Inserting fingers SLOWLY is the next step. Be sure to use lots of lubricant [never use petroleum based lubricants when condoms are involved. Use water-based lube.] It can be a lot of fun to get your tongue in on the action. All you need is some latex to prevent getting any bacteria in your mouth. Usually, a dental dam works well. Try wearing a latex glove and fingering your partner's butt. You can also use a butt plug, which is sort of like a dildo, only it's meant to be inserted and left there. You can put it in and just leave it for a while to relax muscles. When things are nice and relaxed, try the penis.

    When you're putting the condom on, make sure the penis is hard. Figure out which side of the condom is up-it should unravel easily and to the outside as it goes over the penis.

    There should be a bubble at the end ready to receive the semen. Turn lights on to make sure if you have to. Giggle and have fun. Once placed and unraveled, lube it up with lots of water-based lubricant.

    Help each other. Use your hands to get hard again. For some people being hard during or after the condom-placing process can be tough, but a little eroticism/hand work can make things move along.

    One thing that can be really pleasant and erotic is rubbing the penis all around the outside of the anus for a long time, occasionally adding a little pressure to the butt hole but not entering.

    Next, slip the tip of the penis in and just hold it there for a bit. Wait until it's OK to go further. You may have to stop a few times while trying to insert to add more lube. Communicate. An anus can easily accommodate just about any size penis, it's just a matter of whether the muscles are relaxed. It's about a general body relaxation. You can grab the penis and guide it along. Be patient. Every-one is having a good time here. You might want to try going in a bit and then pulling out for a break.

    On re-entry, the sphincter will be just that much more relaxed. At this stage it's common to feel some pain. It almost always subsides or gets overridden by the pleasure. Once your partner is in, the rest will probably be instinctive.

    Try a few things to see what is comfortable. If it's the first time, keep regular and avoid too much lateral or deep moving without first doing it slowly and asking "is this okay?"


TRY NEW POSITIONS. It's fun and can provide different sensations. Try it standing up, bent over a chair, on your back, on your hands and knees, lying on your stomach with your legs behind your head, lying side by side, sitting on top of him, face him or face away from him. Invent your own positions.

    When things are going and you are fucking or getting fucked with bliss, you can try other things like tightening ass cheeks to create more friction. When it's time to cum, the person fucking [sometimes called the top] might choose to leave his condom covered dick inside the person who is getting fucked [sometimes called the bottom], or he might pull out, take the condom off and cum on his buddy's back or chest.

    At anytime, it's common that one partner may want to stop. This shouldn't be disappointing. Chalk it up to practice for the next time and have fun finishing off with hands, etc. Don't make an issue about it or it will be a problem next time.
    By the way, turtles can breathe through their butt.

IT'S THE MOST TYPICAL PICKUP LINE: "top or bottom?" But there's a lot more to top and bottom than just being passive or active sexually.

    Top and bottom are not mere sex positions. They are states of mind, ways of thinking, and political philosophies about the world.

Sexual top and bottom.

LITERALLY, being "bottom" is being receptive in screwing. Conversely, being "top" means being the active partner, whereas "versatile" is when you like to be either top or bottom.

    There is nothing wrong with having bottom feelings and you shouldn't be embarrassed about it. Although we assume most people will want to do the screwing, the largest number of American young gay men actually say they are bottom.

    Bottom is a feeling. It means you want someone to take care of you sexually. It can feel warm and beautiful to relate that way. But don't stress-it is just as masculine to be bottom as top. Also, to be bottom and have someone love you that way is, in fact, very lucky.

    If you're going to be bottom sexually, ALWAYS make sure to use a condom. Almost all cases of AIDS are passed through receptive anal intercourse without a condom. So please make sure you've got condoms, and use them every time!

Top and bottom attitude.

ALTHOUGH IT'S TRADITIONALLY ASSUMED that a top gets pleasure and a bottom "gets used" for pleasure, the reverse is actually true. As an attitude rather than as a mere position, being bottom means you enjoy someone else taking care of your sexual happiness.

    Maybe you have fantasies about a partner that's bigger than you, or of being ravaged. In this way, by being bottom you give in to a power that someone else has, to make you happy.

    Couples can be top and bottom at different times. Sometimes a seemingly younger or less experienced partner is the top sexually. All relationships are different and if it makes both people happy, it is good!

    Some people criticize tops for being selfish, but being a top is a lot of work. That could be why we have more bottoms than tops in our survey. Being top takes a highly generous person with psychic energy to spare. You're responsible for everything. You need to put out and have a strong personality. You need to like making others happy. If you can pull it off, that makes you a really great person to know!

Political top, sexual bottom.

IT'S FALSELY ASSUMED that everyone prefers to be top. But one of the most wellknown and difficult dating problems for young gay men is the overabundance of bottoms and lack of tops.

    Different countries have different percentages of tops and bottoms. For example, although bottomness seems to be a typical characteristic for American middle-class men, Mexico is assumed to be a very top country [politically, this could be a subconscious way of asserting its place in the world] while much of Europe is presumed to be versatile. Some people may question these generalizations, but most gay guys know they are true!

    Bottomness is intimately woven into American male culture. The most potent gay sexual fantasy is the lockerroom gang rape scene- reproduced graphically in Abercrombie ads. Our national obsession with buff boys in briefs is yet another example of our bottomness.

    Why are American gay men so bottom? Politically, American bottomness probably comes from American men wanting someone to take care of them. Who wouldn't, in these times of terrorism and recession?

    It's easy to see where bottomness comes from socially and politically. Our national economic superstructure pressures us to be tough businessmen, to fight wars, run the markets, tame the deserts of the wild west, and just generally be #1.

    Who would want to do all that crap—what an immense and unnecessary responsibility! It's easy to see why we have no energy left, why we need to lay back and be ravaged. Let someone else take care of everything for a change. Sex, you see, always comes from sociology.

    There is a rich literary tradition-check out the film Maurice-of British upper middle class men having a bottom attitude to working class tops. So next time you're feeling bottom, be our guest. Just tell em George and Tony made you do it.

© 2003 XY Media Limited. All Rights Reserved.
this article from Survival Guide 2—get it now!