Transform: Muscle City 16

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“Maybe we should take his clothes off,” Carl suggested, looking down at the passed out boy with the bright red hair.

“You mean in case his garments are constricting?”

Carl looked at Trevor and shrugged. “I dunno. That’s just always my first inclination. To take their clothes off.” He kneeled down and placed his hand against the small figure’s chest. “He seems to be breathing okay.” He looked up at Billy and Trevor. “So he sees you two just standing there, takes one look at your ugly mugs and faints dead away?”

“That’s what happened,” Billy acknowledged. Then he kneeled down beside his boyfriend and placed his hand against the young man’s forehead. “Seems cool.”

“What’s that mean?” Carl asked.

“I don’t know, either, but it’s probably better than being feverish.”

“Either of you know what to do when someone faints?” Trevor asked.

“Don’t they usually just come around eventually? It’s not like you guys hit him with a two-by-four or something. So I guess he was just shocked.”

“I’d say, from the redolent scent of marijuana smoke, that we wasn’t exactly sober-minded to begin with,” Billy observed.

“Yeah, the dude reeks,” Carl agreed.

Billy looked at Carl. “Don’t you think you might, you know.”

“Might what?”

“Put some clothes on?”

Carl’s brow wrinkled. “Look, when you poke your head out and yell at me to come running, I come running. I don’t generally consider what I’m wearing at the time.”

“Even when what you’re wearing is nothing.”

Carl smiled and shrugged. “You never complained before.” Then he kissed Billy’s mouth before his lover could further complain. “Anyway, I don’t think he’s gonna get more shocked than he already is, do you?”

“Probably not,” Billy agreed. He looked down at the young man’s face. “What do you think, seventeen?”

“Seventeen or eighteen,” Trevor agreed. “Weird that he’s here on his own.”

“Without adult supervision, you mean?” Carl asked. “You’re assuming this place is open for business. From the volume of the music that was playing and the fact that he’s not exactly dressed for company, I’d guess he’s the cleaning crew or something. Making a few extra bucks to keep a bag of weed in his jeans.” He dug into the young man’s front pocket and produced the evidence. “Voila!” he said, showing a baggy of stems and buds to Billy.

The body began to stir, and a low, soft moan escaped his lips. “Looks like Sleeping Beauty is about to awaken,” Billy said. Then he looked at Carl, adding, “Maybe you should go find something to cover up a little.”

“Like he’s gonna be more shocked by a third naked dude than he already was by you two walking around looking like refugees from a third-rate gay porn flick?”

Trevor said, “A first-rate gay porn flick, you mean. What third-rate porn flick has a star that looks like Billy?”

“Point taken,” Carl said, laughing gently. “Anyway, it’s too late.” He nodded at the face of the formerly unconscious young man, whose eyes were fluttering.

“Ooh, fuck,” he said. Then he opened his eyes and focused on three of the biggest, most muscular and handsomest men on the planet all staring down at him with various levels of concern on their faces.

One of them, a blue-eyed dude with peachfuzz golden whiskers on his noggin and chin and cheeks smiled and said, “Welcome back, dude.” His voice was absurdly deep, but there was an unmistakable note of friendliness to it. “You okay?”

“I….” he stopped again, as the three men’s faces came into focus, and he realized he was surrounded by a trio of naked or near-naked bodybuilders who looked like they just stepped out of some Frank Frazzeta portfolio, or a Conan graphic novel, except all three of them were Conan. Much larger versions of Conan. “Whoa,” he whispered.

“Can you stand up?” another one asked. If the first one, the peach fuzz guy, was handsome, his friend with the dark hair and green eyes was positively ungodly. Magnus blinked hard and nodded, and as the ungodly man moved to help him up, he turned toward the third member of the party and said, “Trevor, can you get us a glass of water, please?”

“Right on ya,” the third man, who looked like he was made of muscle and fur, answered in a distinctive Australian accent. He moved back towards the diner’s kitchen and Magnus was helped to his feet.

They were even bigger standing up! The two men - peach fuzz guy and the dark god - towered over him. They owned bodies of incredible power and size. They were hard as rocks, and seemed to be pulsing with heat as they stood beside him. “Dude,” he said to peach fuzz guy, “you’re naked.”

Carl looked at Billy and nudged him playfully. “See? Told you I was naked.” He focused his bright blue eyes on Magnus and said, “He didn’t believe me, either.”

The red-haired bear dude came back with a glass of water in his hand. It looked ridiculously small in his huge grip. “Here you go,” he said. His accent was thick and his clothes barely fit his bulk. Magnus couldn’t help staring at the bulge pressing forward from his groin, practically daring his zipper to contain what was obviously behind it.

“Thanks,” he answered gruffly, then he was pouring the cool water down his throat.

“I’m Billy,” the dark god said, “and this is Carl and Trevor.” Peach fuzz guy and Aussie Bear both nodded greetings in turn.

“Magnus,” Magnus answered.

“Magnus, huh?” Peach fuzz asked, sarcasm fairly dripping from his deep and powerful voice.

“Magnus,” Magnus repeated, determinedly. He took another long sip of the drink. Then he looked at naked Peach Fuzz guy and asked, “And what are you dressed up for?” His eyes couldn’t help but focus on the man’s enormous wealth of cock meat, a thick, plump shank of sex that jutted forward and drooped down much longer than it needed to.

Carl smiled, watching the young man looking at his prick, and he reached down and stroked himself. “A wedding, obviously,” he answered.

Magnus huffed out a small laugh despite himself. “You dudes LARPing or something?”

Billy looked at Carl and mouthed the word ‘larping?’ at him. Carl just shrugged, and asked Magnus, “Is that like streaking?”

“LARPing? Live Action Role-Playing? I mean, you dudes look like you just stepped out of some graphic novel. That’s some serious dedication,” he explained.

“Yeah,” Trevor said. “We’re LARPers. We’re LARPing.”

“Bullshit,” Magnus announced, narrowing his eyes. “There’s no meeting for two weeks, and everyone went to RenFair anyway. So what are you dudes doing?”

“Do you...LARP?” Billy asked.

He shrugged. “Sometimes. Gets too political for my tastes, though. So I just D&D on weekends. Get my bloodlust satisfied on a few figurines instead of foam-swording some asshole who thinks he’s a Drow.”

Dark God looked at Peach Fuzz. “How much of this are you getting?”

The naked Conan dude shrugged. The lobes of his shoulders and the piles of muscle beside his thick neck bunched up into mountains of power. “Almost none of it. I think Bart and Tony are gamers, but we didn’t….”

“Who are you guys?” Magnus asked again. “And why are you naked?” he asked Carl.

Billy said, “Well, Magnus, we’re…”

“Call me Booji Boy.”

“Boogie Boy?”

He nodded. “Like Devo? You know?”

“Devo? The ‘Whip it good’ Devo?”

Another nod.

“Sorry, do you mind if I just call you Magnus?” He shrugged, drinking the last of the water and wiping his mouth with the back of his forearm. Then he held the glass towards Trevor.

Trevor smiled despite himself, then performed a slight bow and said, “At once, your majesty.” The Red Bear took the glass and disappeared into the kitchen again.

“We’re on a road trip,” Billy said.

Magnus narrowed his bloodshot eyes. “A road trip,” he repeated, slowly.

Billy nodded. “And we needed gas.”

“You needed gas.”

“And we saw the lights on so we stopped. And then...well, you know the rest.”

“Okay,” Magnus said, “so, three seven-foot-tall bodybuilder dudes strip naked and pile into a car to see the sites of our beautiful community. You’re driving along...thanks,” he said to Trevor, accepting another glass of water, “You’re driving along, naked, at five o-clock in the AM and notice, hey, we need some fuel for Bessie.”

“Bessie?”

“I’m gonna call your car Bessie.”

Billy smiled. “Okay. But it’s technically a truck.”

“Of course it is. So you’re tooling along all naked-like in Bessie, just three muscular naked bodybuilder chums, out for a stroll, and happen upon the Gas ‘N’ Sip and think, well, there’s a place to stop! So you pull on some excuse for shorts that barely covers your ass and wander inside to ask Booji Boy for some help. Am I getting it right so far?”

“More or less,” Billy agreed, “though I think these shorts do an admirable job covering my ass.”

“I like you,” Magnus said, taking a drink.

“Likewise,” Billy said, smiling brightly.

“Now,” Magnus said, tilting his head, “who’s got my stash?”

“That would be the naked guy,” Carl said, dangling the crumpled plastic baggie of weed. He handed it forward and Magnus accepted it.

“You gentlemen partake?”

Billy shook his head, as did Trevor, but Carl said, “I’ve been known to use some herbs in my time.”

“The naked guy! Somehow I knew that about you. Wanna spark some up with me?”

“Don’t you think you should hold off a little? After all you just fainted,” Billy observed.

Magnus twisted his mouth into a bow and shook his head. “I think, young grasshopper, that in order to deal with what’s going on right about now with you three giant dudes, I’m going to need a bit of help to mellow myself out. As it is, my boner is jumping around like a tick on a waffle iron and something about you is screaming trouble in capital letters as big as Mount Rushmore. If there was ever a time that called for a few puffs of ditchweed, this would be that time.” He looked at Carl, asking, “You coming, Big Nude?”

“Right behind you, Booji Boy.” Carl looked at Billy and said, softly, “I’ll look after him, don’t worry.”

“Is he going to be all right?”

“Something tells me he’s going to be absolutely amazing.” He winked and sauntered his perfect naked butt through the kitchen door, following Magnus out back.

Billy sighed and sat down. “Well.”

“Yeah,” Trevor agreed. “That is one smart young man.”

“You got that, too?”

“Crazy smart,” he said, nodding. “I’ve seen it before. He’s got prodigy written all over him.”

“Yes, but prodigious at what? And why is he spending his nights cleaning out a backwater diner on a stretch of lost highway?”

 

Magnus was rolling up a joint as he walked outside into the dawn light. “So, Naked Dude” he said, “what’s your story?”

“My story?” Carl asked.

“You and the Dark God are an item, no?”

Carl tripped over his feet and then stumbled forward. “How did you...?”

He shrugged. “Fuck, dude, it’s written all over your face every time you look at him. But I get the distinct impression that you two enjoy a rather ‘open relationship’,” he observed, making air quotes, “and Copper Bear in there is in on the action?”

“Jesus,” Carl said. He shook his head in wonder.

Magnus pulled a Bic lighter from his pocket and sparked the joint to life, pulling in a slow toke before offering it to Carl. “It’s not hard to see it, dude. Plus the fact that, you know, you are naked so you’re kind of obvious about your feelings.” He motioned towards Carl’s fat shank of sex. “That thing's practically a Geiger Counter. I can see it twitch every time you look at Billy boy”

Carl laughed and accepted the smoldering doobie. “I guess so,” he agreed, “I never was much good at hiding my feelings.”

Magnus nodded. “Good for you,” he said. “Never much cared for people who went around spending their lives lying.” He took the cigarette back and sucked in a deep lungful. “Not great, I admit,” he said, looking at his joint, “but it gets the job done.”

“Your own stuff?”

Magnus nodded. “I’m perfecting the strain. Still a bit harsh, but I like that strawberry taste on the back.”

Carl took the cigarette back and nodded. “Got a name for it?” He took a slight drag bad handed it back again.

“Strawberry Fields,” Magnus said. “I know, not very original.” He took a slow suck. “So, what’s your story really? You dudes, like, trumans or something?”

“You get straight to the point, don’t you?”

He shrugged, taking another slight tug on the joint. “What the fuck, you know? I ask questions and people either answer them or evade them, but either reaction tells me something.”

“We’re not trumans,” Carl said, accepting Magnus’s weed for another slow toke. His head wasn’t swimming, and he was wondering whether his body could even feel intoxication anymore. “I’m not exactly sure what we are.”

“But you’re not strictly human.”

Carl shrugged. “Like I said, I’m not sure.”

“Fair enough,” Magnus answered.

“You believe me?”

“It’s a thing,” he answered. “I can tell when someone’s lying.”

“How do you do that?”

“I guess if you’ve been lied to enough times, you start to know the difference.” He finished the dregs of the roach and crushed it under his shoe. “You want to go back inside?”

“No,” Carl said, “I like it out here.” He looked across the landscape at the slowly rising sun, coloring the sky in purple and pink. Then he looked at Magnus, and added, “I like talking to you.”

“I know,” Magnus answered. “You want to make out with me.”

“Is it obvious?”

“I told you,” he answered, looking down, “you have a Geiger Counter attached to you.”

“You’re sexy as fuck, you know,” Carl said.

Magnus smiled. “I’m intriguing and weird.”

“Sexy as fuck,” Carl repeated. “Are you gay?”

“I’m...open. I find people interesting and confusing, and I find boys and girls equally beautiful, depending.”

“Depending on what?”

“What’s going on inside of them.”

“What about me?” Carl asked.

“What about you?” Magnus countered. “I have a feeling you always get what you want - or should I say who you want. Looking like that.”

“You’re calling me a slut?”

“I’ve got nothing against sluts. And, looking like that, why not take advantage of it? Sex is fun and beautiful, when you do it for the right reasons and with the right person.” His eyebrow arched, and he added, “Let’s face it, not everyone wanders around naked all the time.”

“I’m not naked all the time.”

“You’re lying again,” Magnus said, folding his thin arms across his chest. “Only this time I’m not sure why.”

“Old habits,” Carl explained, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“I understand. I used to be you. I used to lie to people about what I wanted, or who I wanted. I used to lie to people about who I was, mostly to make them feel better. But it never made me feel better, so I stopped doing it.” He tucked his stash back into his jeans.

“You’re very unusual,” Carl said, with wonder.

“It has been so observed,” Magnus agreed. He looked down and then back up, taking in the other man’s incredible and beautiful body before asking, “What do you want to do now?”

“Kiss you,” Carl said.

“See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“Can I?”

“Kiss me?” Carl nodded. “Yes, I think I’d like being kissed by you. Something tells me that you’re probably extremely good at it, and I like doing things with people who are extremely good at what they’re doing.”

“I am,” Carl admitted, “but I’ve had a lot of practice.” He stepped forward, and he was trembling for some reason.

“What makes a good kiss, do you think?” Magnus simply stood there, looking fearless and in charge.

“You have to mean it,” Carl explained.

Magnus smiled. “What an excellent answer. I was a bit afraid you might go into something about lips and tongues and get very precise about it.”

“I find if you think about it too much, it’s apt to be disappointing.”

“Then let’s not think about it,” Magnus agreed.

 

The back door to the diner opened and Trevor stepped out, saying, “Magnus, we were wondering...where’d he go?” All Trevor could see was Carl’s wide, huge, muscular back. He was standing a few feet away, and his head was bent down. “Carl? Have you seen….oh.”

The top half of Magnus’s face popped up over Carl’s thick shoulder and he asked, “Can I help you with something?”

“Sorry, but we were hoping to get some gas.”

“Oh, sure thing.” His eyes sank from view again and then there were some wet, sucking noises and Carl stepped aside, releasing the small young man from his muscular embrace. Magnus licked his lips and said, “I was right. You’re extremely good at that.” Then he stepped around Carl’s bulk and walked towards the diner door, pausing to ask Trevor, “Are you coming?”

“In a sec,” he answered.

“Okay,” Magnus replied, and he disappeared inside the diner.

Carl was standing there as if in shock. He was looking across the landscape again, his chest slowly rising and falling, his mouth slightly opened, and his eyes unblinking. “You okay?” Trevor asked.

He looked over and shook his head. “Holy fuck,” he answered softly.

“What? What happened?”

“I don’t know,” he said.

 

“Hey,” Magnus said, seeing Billy standing near the register.

“Hey,” Billy said back. “Can we get….”

“Some gas, yeah, the Copper Bear mentioned that.” He walked towards the huge man and looked up at him. “You’re a very lucky guy,” he said.

“Am I?”

“Very lucky,” he repeated. “You and Carl, right?”

“Me and Carl?”

“You’re together.”

“Well, yes.”

He nodded as he circled behind the counter and pulled out a ring of keys from his jeans. “He’s an interesting dude.” He unlocked a cabinet door and placed another key into a barrel lock.

“He is?”

“But you knew that already,” he added, meeting Billy’s curious gaze.

“Mostly,” Billy agreed, “but I’m not sure that ‘interesting’ would be the first word that springs to mind.”

“How would you describe him?”

“Loving. Capable. Sexy. Funny.”

Magnus was silent for a moment and then he nodded. “Interesting,” he said, again.

“Did you enjoy your time together.”

Magnus smiled. “Very much. There you go, the gas is on. Just fill ‘er up and come back when you’re done.”

“Thanks.” Billy turned, paused, and then turned back. “May I ask what you two talked about?”

“We didn’t do much talking. But there was a lot of kissing.”

“I see.”

“You’re okay with that, I assume.”

“Yes,” Billy said slowly.

“Very lucky,” Magnus repeated. “Gas is all set!”

Trevor came back inside as Billy was leaving and he looked at Magnus. “What did you do to Carl?”

“Do?”

“He’s sort of….”

“We shared some truth, he and I. That’s all.”

“Truth? Truth about what?”

“Who he is.” He smiled. “Is he all right?”

“He’s….stuck.”

“He’s clear. It’ll pass. Sometimes it’s weird.”

“What’s weird? What do you mean, he’s clear?”

“He had some stuff blocking him, but it’s gone now. Stupid stuff. Silly stuff. Everyone has some. So I gave him the truth. But I knew he could handle it. He’s cool.” He looked down, away from Trevor. “I don’t usually...not that I’m embarrassed or anything, but people….most people….” Then he looked up again. “But when I saw you dudes, I knew you were different. I could tell he could...you could handle it.”

“What did you do?” Trevor approached the small man, his face taking on a look of concern.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, ease up there, Poppa Bear. I didn’t do anything. He’s just figuring some stuff out and coming to grips with it. He’s got to let go, and sometimes that’s scary.” He shrugged. “He’s a great guy, though. Totally open. He can handle it. It’s just sometimes...sort of...shocking.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“I know.” His eyes moved up and down on Trevor’s body, and he said, “You’re not used to that, are you?”

“Used to what?”

“What’s going on with your body. You’re still trying to, like, process things.” He met Trevor’s jade gaze. “You’re getting the hang of it. Your friends are helping. At least with the physical part.” He leaned against the counter. “When did it happen?”

“When did what…?”

“When did you change? Was it, like, days ago?” His eyes narrowed “No, no, more like a few hours. Whoa, that must be intense.”

“How are you…?”

“I can see your truth, Copper Bear. It’s a...thing.” He shrugged. “Don’t know what it is, really. Always just had it. Mostly I keep these observations to myself. It discomforts people. But you...you’re, like, broadcasting it like a fucking radar beam.”

“And Carl?”

“Carl was afraid of some stuff. Leftover stuff. Stuff that doesn’t - shouldn’t - matter anymore.” He sighed. It was a sad sound. “Even the stuff we bury, no matter how deep down, it’s all still there. Ticking away.” He tapped the counter. “Tick, tick, tick. Carl’s a cool guy. He just needed someone to show him that. Billy, he tries to show Carl that every day they’re together. Every minute. Every second.” He smiled then, but it faded as quickly as it appeared. “Some things we carry alone. Some things, no one - no matter how much they love us - some things are just ours.”

“And you…?”

“And me? I’m like…like an excavator. A miner. I find the broken parts and the veins of shit and I help you see them for what they are. They’re not jewels. They’re not gold. I help uncover them, to get past them. I help.” He looked up and down Trevor’s body again. “I can help you, too, if you want.”

“Help me? Help me with what?”

“Well, I won’t know that until you let me in, will I?”

Trevor took another step forward. He was trembling now. Fear gripped his heart. Fear of something. Fear of something he couldn’t even name. “How do I do that?”

“Carl just wanted to kiss me. So I let him. He’s an excellent kisser.”

“What do I…?”

“It’s something intimate. Something special.” He took a step towards Trevor. “But you have to mean it.”

 

Billy was standing at the rear of the truck, pumping gas into its tank when Carl came running up to him. Billy watched the other man’s incredible collection of muscle shift and bounce as he ran on his strong legs, and then Carl was surrounding Billy in his arms and kissing him with untold passion and love. “You’re amazing,” he said, and then he kissed him again.

“What’d I do to deserve that?”

“Everything,” Carl answered, and then he kissed him again for an extra long time. “I love you more than I can say,” Carl told him. “I love you more than words, more than deeds, more than...more than anything.”

“I love you, too,” Billy said. “I’ll always love you.”

“I know,” Carl said, then he looked into the sky and shouted it. “I know!”

“Well, someone’s in a good mood,” Billy observed, squeezing his boyish lover tightly. “What brought this on all the sudden?”

“Magnus did.”

Billy’s eyebrow arched. “Magnus? What’s Magnus got to do with…?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what he did, but we kissed. I kissed him. He kissed me. It was...intense. Remarkable. Something...something changed. He was...inside me. Or something. I can’t explain. I don’t...but then, it was all clear to me.”

“What was clear?”

“Everything!” He kissed his lover again, his teacher and his friend. The man who loved him more than anything, and always would. “I fucking love you, Billy Titus.”

“Wow. Maybe you should smoke weed more often!”

 

Trevor was standing next to Magnus. “You don’t need to be scared,” the small man told him. “You don’t even have to do this.”

“I want to,” Trevor said softly. Magnus nodded back. “Do I just…?”

“Do what you feel you want to do. But be honest, and mean it.”

Trevor took the other man’s face in his hands and leaned towards him, pressing his lips to Magnus’s with tenderness. Magnus kissed him back, closing his eyes and placing his hand behind Trevor’s neck. He squeezed the hard muscle and stroked his silken skin.

Trevor closed his eyes, surrounding the small man’s body in his muscled embrace, kissing him soundly, fully, and with passion.

Magnus opened himself to Trevor. Magnus bared his soul, like a light, like a sun, to burn away the doubt and sadness. To uncover the secrets and lies. To show him truth.

Trevor’s life, moments and seconds, bursting through. When he said the wrong thing and didn’t mean it. When he didn’t say what he should have, and lost someone forever. When he was in love, but too scared to embrace it. When he chose the simple path, when the challenge was too hard and the regret that followed him until today.

The things he hated, and the people he loved. The sensations he turned from, thinking himself unworthy. The words that crept into his head from those he trusted, who were too filled with fear themselves to be honest.

Moments. Small moments. Building a wall inside him. A prison. A prison of fear.

And there was Magnus at the door, holding the key.

“You can be free,” he said. He put the key in the lock. He turned it. The sound of rusted gears trying to hold fast, but breaking apart now. Magnus turned the key in Trevor’s lock and opened the door to his cage. “You can be free,” he said, “if you want to be.”

“I do,” he answered.

Magnus smiled. He offered his hand. “You can be free. Those things can’t harm you now. Those words are gone. Remember, and be free.”

He kissed Magnus with fierce need and passion. He kissed him and felt him inside, opening the prison.

And he was free.

 

“It’s not the weed, it was Magnus. He...did something.”

“That must have been some kiss,” Billy said, laughing.

“You don’t...no, it isn’t just that. It’s...god...it’s...he freed me.”

“From what?”

“Fear. Doubt. Pain. He...I don’t know how, but he freed me.”

 

Trevor was sitting in a booth in the diner, slowly blinking. Magnus was watching him, quietly, thinking about the man and everything that happened to him.

It was never really easy, when he did what he did. Because he had to be part of everyone else’s darkness. He had to hear the words that scarred and the faces that accused and the feelings of remorse, regret, sadness and fear. He had to open himself and pull them inside, so that the other person could be free.

He looked at Trevor and said, softly, “You’re okay.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t. But you will. It just takes a little time.”

“I know,” he repeated, dazedly.

Magnus looked outside and saw Carl and Billy in a tight embrace. He knew what Billy had done to protect the younger man. He knew how fiercely - how powerfully - Carl loved Billy.

He did not read minds. He did not read thoughts. He did not see images of dreams or pictures of memories. He was a guide, not a follower. He showed the way out of the darkness, as long as the other person wanted to follow.

Some people were still too scared. Most people, actually. Holding on to their demons, needing those broken pieces as if without them they were not whole. He understood that. He could not blame them. But these three….

Who were these odd men? He’d never before encountered anyone starting from such an open position. Maybe the fact that they were so physically powerful allowed them to be emotionally open. Maybe the...changes they had accepted left them free to other changes, other doors, other possibilities. He hardly had to dig to find the pain, and then releasing it was easy. It was like opening a present on Christmas morning, only the box was filled with darkness.

He just had to swallow it all down inside him, and wait for it to pass.

He shouldn’t have done two men so close together. He should have known when he saw them, and how his body reacted to their presence. He should have known.

He grasped his belly and closed his eyes against the pain.

The fire was building.

 

Carl kissed Billy with all the love he had inside him. Billy returned the kiss with his usual open devotion, accepting Carl’s love and giving back the love he had inside for this beautiful, caring, adorable blonde nutball. Carl had saved him, hadn’t he? Carl, who was always there, supporting, uplifting, helping in ways that Billy never realized he needed.

When their lips parted after what seemed like an eternity, Billy looked into his lover’s eyes and felt a deeper connection to the other man than he had ever felt. Carl smiled and hugged him tightly. “God, I love you,” he whispered into his ear.

“Don’t ever leave me,” Billy whispered back. “I’ll die without you.”

Carl laughed. “Always the drama queen.”

But he knew Billy meant what he said.

 

“I’m gonna…” Magnus started, but then he realized that Trevor wasn’t listening. Trevor was somewhere else for the moment, surfacing from the deep place and seeing the sun coming up. Trevor would be fine, he knew. Trevor would be great.

He sighed and lifted himself from the chair and dug inside his jeans for the remnants of his weed, holding it in his fist as he made his way back outside.

Who were these men? What was happening? He thought about his decision to leave people behind, and the pain they all held inside, the pain he could release from them if they allowed him to.

The pain he could swallow inside him like acid, as it ate away at him. The pain that would diminish with time - the pain he understood too well.

His fingers were shaking slightly as he crumpled a bit of his weed into a paper and tried rolling it up. This always helped. He didn’t know why it did, but it did. A little fuzziness to his brain cushioned the blow, but two men so close together was making it hard to deal.

He licked the edge and sealed the joint, smelling the dry green garden inside. He swallowed drily and dug in his other pocket for the lighter, shaking it a bit to hear the butane sloshing. The he put the tip of his cigarette between his lips and sparked the flame, pulling in a slow drag to allow his head to slow down.

 

Carl and Billy rounded the corner of the building hand-in-hand, with Carl practically pulling Billy along like a parent and child. “Knew you’d be out here,” Carl said.

Magnus nodded. “Yep,” he acknowledged, “I’m pretty predictable that way.”

“Kiss Billy!” he instructed, excitedly.

Billy’s handsome face looked dubious, and he said, “Only if you want to, of course.”

“There’s probably nothing in the world I’d love more than to kiss you, Dark God. When you walked through that door an hour ago and I saw you, when I felt you, I knew what that would be like. The sensation of that, the sudden impossible realization of that kind of threw me for a loop.”

“That’s why you fainted?” Carl asked, looking concerned.

Magnus nodded, making a gesture with his hand mimicking himself falling flat on his face. “Kersplat. That’s all she wrote.” He narrowed his eyes and pointed at Billy. “You’re...powerful. Not just all those heavy muscles you’ve got bulging out from every inch of your massive frame. You’re powerful inside.” He tapped his own chest, over his heart. “The kind of power that I don’t encounter very often.”

“See? I told you you were amazing!” Carl said, kissing Billy’s cheek.

“I don’t think I’m all that amazing,” Billy protested, looking askance.

Magnus just nodded, saying, “I know. I know you don’t think so. That’'s another unusual quality. Men like you - people like you - they can be amazing assholes. They can be so full of themselves, pumped up and loud, bullying everyone around them. It’s a defense mechanism, you know. No one is born an asshole. Assholes are made - or, I guess, more properly, assholes make themselves. And you have every right to be an asshole, Dark God. Every right in the world. But you’re not.”

“Thanks?”

Magnus smiled. “You’re welcome.” He sighed. “Can I have a minute, Dark God? No offense, Peach Fuzz, I see that look on your face. I know you. Of course I do. And I know how much you want this for him. But I need a little rest, if that’s okay.” He swallowed and looked across the horizon at the rising sun. “A little rest.”

“Can I ask a question?”

Not looking over, Magnus said, “Ask anything you like, Dark God.”

“Well, firstly, can you please stop calling me that?”

“If you like,” he answered.

“I’d much prefer it.” Magnus nodded his agreement. “And then I was wondering how…?”

“How do I do it? That’s a good question. If I knew how I did it maybe I could stop doing it.” He shrugged. “It’s just a thing. Something I can do. Always, or at least as long as I can remember. It was a hassle when I was a kid, as you can imagine.”

“How old are you?”

“Eighteen.”

“You’re still a kid,” Billy observed.

Magnus smiled enigmatically. “Age-wise, I guess. But when you do what I do, you grow up fast. You learn things you shouldn’t learn, see things you shouldn’t see, feel things you shouldn’t feel. Those things all pile up, and sometimes the pile falls over and buries me.” He sighed again. “I suppose, though, you’re interested in what happens to you - what happened to Peach Fuzz and Copper Bear.”

“Why don’t you use names?”

“Names have power. Names have meaning. Your name is your badge, and your shield. You recognize and react to it. It becomes part of who you truly are, whether you know it or not. When I’m too close, it makes it easier if I don’t.”

“So, calling me Dark God….”

“Just helps, but I understand why you might not like that one.” He looked at Billy, then, his brow furrowing. “You are a dark god, though. You can change men. You can make them like you are. Powerful. Beautiful. Incomparable. Perfect. I say that because it’s true, but those are the words you fear most.” He looked away again. “Guilt and fear, Dark God. Those are the killers.”

“You take them away?”

“No one can take those away. But I can show them to you for what they are.”

“And what are they?”

“Lies, Dark God. Just lies you tell yourselves.” He looked at Carl, and said, “He knows, now. You may as well ask him as ask me. He knows the truth.”

Carl nodded, then he placed his hand against Billy’s impossibly broad and muscular chest. “It’s what’s inside here that matters, Billy. What’s inside your heart, and your heart...goddam, there’s so much love inside there, Billy. More love than you can hold. You love us all, every one of us, and you always have. Now you just need to love yourself.”

“I don’t….”

“If you don’t, then it doesn’t matter, does it?” Magnus was standing straight, all five feet seven inches of him. His brightly dyed hair was caught in the wind, waving like a warning flag. He had his hands in his pockets and his shoulders were tight and high. “If you have nothing to fear, you certainly can’t fear me.”

“Kiss him, Billy. Let him inside your heart.”

Billy walked towards Magnus, towering over him, blotting him out. He was huge and beautiful and throbbing with power. “I’m not afraid,” he said.

“You have to mean it,” Magnus replied, smiling. “Whatever happens now...you have to mean it.”

The huge, perfect man shrugged. “I always do.” Billy cupped Magnus’s small, delicate face in his hands. He bent his neck, and closed his eyes, placed his lips against Magnus’s with terrible, staggering love.

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