My Roommate's Body 14

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I really can’t believe all that happened last night. I was so angry at Sam for going home with Big Daddy – and, at first, I thought it was because I’m still hung up on my ex. But last night I realized that wasn’t it. I was actually angry because I didn’t want Sam to be with anyone else. And in the middle of all these revelations I finally understood why I have always wanted to be big and muscular – and it really boiled down to the fact that I didn’t like myself. I mean, if I am really truthful with myself and break through years of making excuses or denying reality I come up with the simple truth that I could not embrace myself just as I am. And the really crazy thing is that all of this hard work of dreaming about being someone else prevented me from taking the steps to become fully the person I am. I know it sounds confusing. But, I kept looking so much for Mr. Right – with the killer body – that I didn’t take the time to really look at myself. I projected my desires and needs onto other men. And there is no one on earth that could have lived up to my expectations – it would have had to be a mixture of Superman, the Incredible Hulk (minus the green skin), Jesus and Buddha. My experiences yesterday helped me to see that I’ve tried to fix the problems going on inside of me by only focusing on what’s on the outside. Having huge muscles is great – really – and I have enjoyed being in Sam’s body. But I’m still the same Nolan on the inside. I wanted Atlas, the bartender, just to prove I could get him. It had nothing to do with getting to know him. I wanted the trophy – the prize – just to prove I was good enough. But something snapped inside of me last night and I realized that I was good enough even with my old body – how crazy was that! And watching Sam dance in my old body last night (and the fact that it turned me on so much) caused me to actually miss being myself. Of course, all of this self-realization confused me and wore me out. I rushed home for some unknown reason, but halfway home it struck me that I wanted desperately to share my newfound thoughts with Sam. And this was mainly because he had helped it all to happen – well, his body had.

This is why I chose to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” when I returned to our empty place. The reality that Sam was still with Big Daddy made it hard for me to stay positive about all the changes happening within me. I needed reinforcement – and a movie about a guy who gets to see his life from another angle was just what I needed. Good old Jimmy Stewart – if he couldn’t help me stay positive about the “new me” then who could. And the movie did help! I was reminded that the changes inside were about me – and no one else. It would be great to share this information with Sam, but I didn’t need him to make it complete. Sam was a huge part of what made the inner revelations possible, but the hard work that came next needed to be done by me.

As I lay on the couch sorting through all of this information and trying to watch the movie, I heard Sam’s key in the door. It was hard hiding my excitement that he was returning home so soon. I wanted to jump off the sofa and meet him at the door – but I didn’t. I figured I would give Sam the space he needed – and hoped he would eventually share with me all that happened. He was returning too soon to have had a great time with Big Daddy – I knew that. Something deep inside me said that Sam was having the same kind of revelations as I was, but I didn’t want to pry. I wanted to respect Sam’s privacy, but I also wanted to let him know I was there for him. And then to find out that he loves “It’s a Wonderful Life” too. What a neat coincidence. It was so great sitting on the sofa with him – so comfortable and easy – that’s why I didn’t want to talk about all that had happened during the day. I suddenly had the urge to not ruin the moment. I figured it could all wait until morning. I didn’t want to make us both uncomfortable – since it was so peaceful sitting there with him. And he seemed to like that idea. As we started watching the movie for the second time I couldn’t deny the urge to have some kind of contact with my roommate. It wasn’t sexual – it was much more than that – it was a desire for intimacy that went beyond “getting off.” I wanted him to feel safe and, at the same time, give myself the same feeling. It was a desire that is hard to explain. I wanted to put his needs before mine and, yet, in making him happy I would be happy too. That was definitely a new feeling for me. I leaned my head against his shoulder and was soon fast asleep. It was cool that he fell asleep, too. When he woke me up to move to our bedrooms I couldn’t let the intimacy between us end – that’s why I asked if we could sleep in the same bed. Again, I didn’t think of it sexually – I just wanted to continue to be near him. I’m glad he said yes.

It was awkward for both of us at the beginning – I could tell he was as nervous as I was. We each moved to the far edge of our side of the bed. It was as if touching each other might trigger something unknown. I fell asleep pretty quickly, but woke up about forty-five minutes later. I could tell Sam was sound asleep – he was actually snoring a little (I wondered if that was my old body snoring or was it him – I guess I’d never know). Listening to him sleep so soundly increased my desire to hold him. I carefully turned my massive body around on the bed and moved closer to him. I gently wrapped my arm around his upper body and he instinctively pushed his body up against mine. Sam was letting someone else hold him for a change – he just let himself go limp in my embrace. I was suddenly overwhelmed with a need to protect him – to take care of him. I was also aware that it was my old body I was holding. I let my hand feel the slight tightness of the chest and stomach. Even in the dark I could feel that my old body was very sexy. I marveled at how holding it this way helped me to see it with such new perspective. I longed to move my hand to the bubble butt I had watched on the dance floor earlier. I wanted to feel what my old ass was like when I wasn’t attached to it. I remembered how turned on I had been by watching Sam dance – but I was also turned on because I was watching my own body move on the dance floor. These thoughts caused my large cock to stir and it pressed against Sam’s ass resting in front of me. Sam’s body moved a little and I panicked that I would wake him up. I forced all the lustful thoughts out of my head and slowly let myself drift off to sleep. I was happier than I had ever been in my entire life.

Sam shaking in my embrace awakened me later that morning. At first, I thought he was having a nightmare, but then I realized he was awake. I thought he might be cold so I pulled him tighter into my body – that’s when my arm met his stiff cock. His hard-on caught me off guard – I didn’t know what to do – so, I just acted like it wasn’t there. I brought my arm back up to his chest. But the knowledge that he was turned on by something immediately made me have the same reaction. I slid my crotch away from his body so he would not feel my cock – which shot rock-hard in no time at all. I, at first, thought he just had a morning hard-on, but then it became clear to me that his reaction signified something else. I drew the natural conclusion that he had been turned on by me. That made me extremely happy. But then something dawned on me that excited me more. His old body – that was now mine, had turned him on. This made me very happy because I knew it was such a big step for him. Sam was hard from feeling (and probably looking) at his old muscles. This was huge!

It wasn’t until that moment I realized that we hadn’t switched back to our old bodies as we slept. I was immediately filled with mixed emotions. I desperately wanted to know how Sam was dealing with it. That’s when he asked me how I felt. I didn’t hesitate to tell him the truth. I felt so much . . . so much . . . love – yes, love – for this man that I wanted him to know me completely. I shared with him that I didn’t know exactly how I felt. I loved being in his body, but I wanted to be in mine, as well. I told him I didn’t need to have a big body anymore – and I meant I didn’t need to hide behind it anymore. Sharing these thoughts made me cry and Sam was so patient with me. He just lay there until I was ready to go on. That’s when he told me about how he was feeling and shared with me that he didn’t sleep with Big Daddy. I was filled with such deep emotion when he finished sharing. I could tell opening his heart to me was causing Sam a lot of stress – so that’s when I kissed his neck. I just wanted him to know I was there for him. It meant nothing else. And I was amazed at how quickly that kiss calmed him down. The second kiss to his neck meant something more – it said so much more. I was saying “thank you” to him for all that he had done for me, I was also letting him know that he meant much more to me than just being a roommate, and I also wanted him to know that I wanted to have sex with him more than anything in the world. I’m pretty sure he got the message. That’s when I turned him on his back and asked him to tell me what he thought of his old body now that it wasn’t his. I watched him look at my bent arm holding up my head and I knew he was feeling so many new emotions. I wanted to help him put more words to what was happening inside his heart. I also wanted to kiss him on the lips. But, most importantly, I wanted him to see the huge rigid cock pressing against my underwear. I wanted him to know how he made me feel.

Sam just stared at me after I asked him to describe how he saw his old body differently now. I couldn’t tell if he was searching for words or was still very shy about talking about his old self. I waited a few more seconds and then decided to help him.

“I’ll start Sam. Look at this chest.” We both looked down at the massive shelf of muscle just below my chin. “Even when I’m lying down on my side it protrudes like two huge smooth boulders. They seem powerful enough to even defy gravity. And look at each of these fist-sized nipple areas – so tight and so mouth-watering. Yeah, these nips would be a mouthful for any man, wouldn’t they Sam?” I was beginning to wonder who was getting more turned on by Sam’s old body – him or me. “And watch this Sam. Without much concentration I can make the muscles of each pec roll like some fucking machine. I can do it fast or I can make it flex slowly – to highlight each individual muscle in these enormous slabs of man-beef. And then I can do the unthinkable – I can make the right pec roll upward as the left one moves downward. Yeah, Sam, I’ve got that kind of control on these monsters. Just think what it would feel like if your face was buried in this deep valley between my pec mountains.” I slid my fingers in the crevice in the middle of my chest and squeezed. “Yeah, so tight man. I could squeeze the juice out of oranges for you with these muscles, hell, I could probably put three or four of them in there at the same time and have your glass full of juice with one squeeze.” Even though I was looking at my chest I noticed Sam’s cock-head jerk a little at my last comment.

“Yeah, little Sammy boy is getting off on this chest – isn’t he? Want to tell me what you see?”

I glanced back at Sam and saw that he was lost in a muscle trance. I squeezed my pecs together and this brought a smile to Sam’s face. I brought my left hand to my mouth, wet my fingers, and then moved them down to my right pec. I began to massage the jutting hard nipple and then pinched it between my first and second fingers – so it would stick out even more. This caused Sam to open his mouth slightly and bite his lower lip. “Come on Sam, it’s your turn.”

I could tell by the way Sam whispered that his mouth was completely dry. He spoke as if there was no one else there. I’m sure this was the first time he had ever thought of his own body in this way. It was obviously a life changing moment for him.

“I always liked how my chest stretched any shirt I was wearing. I could be in a sweatshirt and people could still see the thickness and definition of my pecs. If I wore a tight shirt it always looked like one big inhale would cause the thing to rip to shreds. I always wanted to rip out of a shirt – just by flexing my body – especially my chest. It’s just one of those body parts that shows off how hard you’ve been working out. It’s something people notice right away – a massive wall of muscle.” Sam stopped speaking abruptly after the last sentence. I was worried I had pushed him too far too soon. Maybe he wasn’t ready to talk about his old body this way. But, suddenly, he began again. “I love it when a man sucks on my enormous nipples. It drives me crazy when someone takes one of them between his teeth and scrapes them slightly back and forth. My chest is like two huge punching bags side by side. Yeah, I’ve always fantasized about having two guys pounding on those slabs of stone at the same time. My chest is so massive that an entire group of guys could suck on it at the same time. I could make about five guys happy with those babies.”

I was not prepared for how hearing Sam talk about his old body would affect me. I got excited on one level because it was now my body – but I got more excited since I knew he was seeing his body in this way for the first time. I wished now, more than ever, that he had been in his old body while he said all of this. The thought of him talking about his own chest – while running his hands all over himself – took me almost to the point of losing a load of cum in my underwear. The only thing that prevented me from spewing was Sam talking again.

“Flex that arm.” I could hear in his voice that it wasn’t a suggestion – it was an order. This excited me more. Sam clearly wanted to talk more about his old body. I flexed the left arm – not looking at it – I wanted to watch Sam’s face. As soon as I forced the bicep to peak, Sam let out a loud whistle. It caught me off guard. He was completely entranced by the arm. “Look at that bicep, man. It’s enormous. That thing is as thick as some guys’ waists. There’s nothing better than a good pump in a massive bicep. Most of my short-sleeved shirts have to be bunched up above those peaks or they’ll tear. That arm looks like it could lift anything – nothing could stop its power. I love it when I catch guys staring at my arms. Sometimes they never look me in the face – during the entire conversation. They just can’t tear their eyes away from those bulging mountains. Bring that arm over here, Nolan.” It was the first time he had said my name. I was beginning to think he had forgotten I was there. I brought the flexed arm down in front of his face. He brought his lips to the swollen bicep and kissed it. “Yeah, so much fucking power.” When I heard Sam cuss like that I immediately panicked – was I creating a monster? I worried that he might become so comfortable with himself that he would change completely – and not be the guy I knew before. It was then I felt the bed shaking and, after moving my arm, noticed he was laughing. “Scared you, didn’t I?”

“Why you little shit!” I brought my arm down over him and rolled my body on top of his. I let my full weight press into him. I regretted it immediately, though. Our hard cocks were smashed together and waves of pleasure shot through both our bodies. We both lay completely still for a few seconds – knowing that any movement might take us both over the cum-controlling edge. My face was inches away from his. We simply stared at each other for a while. We knew, instinctively, when it was okay to continue. I brought my face down to his and kissed him hard. We still kept our mouths closed – just pressing our lips together. We were prolonging the inevitable – making sure our foreplay matched our desire to make this moment last as long as possible. I pulled my face away from his. “What did it feel like – to talk about your body that way?”

“You mean my old body.” He smiled.

“Okay, your old body. How did that feel?”

I could tell he was choosing his words carefully. “It felt empowering, scary, and extremely freeing all at the same time. I mean we can’t expect me to lose years of personal baggage overnight. But, at the same time, I can tell something deep inside of me has changed for the better. I am seeing my old body in a very new way. This might sound really stupid, but in the past I have viewed my body as a tool or a machine outside of myself. I worked out to make my “mask,” if you will, look really good. I used the muscles to prevent people from seeing the real me – or, more accurately, I built the muscles so I wouldn’t have to show the real me. Over the last few days – and especially this morning – I have connected the dots, if you will. I have reconciled that the man I am inside can live in harmony with the body that used to be on the outside. I find it strange that I had to live “outside” of my body to come to this realization. And I will find it even stranger if I never get to experience that body again. I’d like to experience this inner peace with my old body – just so I can truly honor all the time and effort I put into building those muscles. But you want to know what is the most important thing I could tell you about my old body, Nolan?”

“Yes.”

“It’s freaking heavy and I’m having trouble breathing. Get off me, you thug!” Sam was laughing again. A broad smile flashed across my face. I slid my thick arms between his back and the mattress and then rolled over onto my back – easily pulling his body on top of mine. I noticed our cocks were somewhat softer now and the pleasure-pain caused by pressing them together was gone. It was much more comfortable for both of us with Sam on top of me. My old body fit perfectly on top of his – which was now mine. I took this chance to slide my hands down and grab Sam’s ass – my old ass. A wave of pleasure started in my hands and flowed through my entire body – sending a message to my softened cock, which began to stiffen a little.

“So you’re an ass man, Mr. Nolan.” Sam was beaming.

“Well, yes, yes I am – especially when it is as nice as this one.” I squeezed it again.

“What you’re saying then, is that you like your own ass, right?” Sam was so proud of himself for noticing how I was changing, as well.

“Uh, my old ass.” I laughed. Sam’s face turned serious and I could tell he wanted me to honestly answer his question.

“Yes, Sam. I, like you, see my old self in a totally new way. I actually find my old body very sexy. It really is powerful when you get to see yourself from someone else’s eyes. When you were dancing last night I got really turned on – and it was a thin line between whether it was Sam turning me on or watching my own body move on the dance floor. I can’t separate the two, anyway. I think they are too intricately connected.”

Sam nodded his head to signify he understood. “That’s what happened to me this morning as I gazed at your beefy arm draped across my body. It got me so excited – but it was a mixture of knowing it was you and seeing my old arm in a whole new way. It was just so incredibly beautiful and massive. I wanted it to be my arm again, but I also wanted you. And I wanted you to be happy – even if that meant you needed to keep my body. I just wanted you to be happy.”

Sam was staring into my eyes as he said this. It was the most powerful thing anyone had ever said to me. It sliced through all the bullshit of my past and pierced my soul. At that moment I knew we both wanted the same thing – we wanted the other person to be happy – no matter what that meant. We were both complete beings without the other person – but we knew that connecting with the other somehow enhanced the person each of us was. It was hard to explain. I just knew I wanted Sam more than anything else in the world and I knew he felt the same way about me. And I also knew it didn’t matter what he looked like on the outside – that was just icing on the cake. I wanted what was on the inside – the man who shared so freely with me. The man who was not afraid to be vulnerable, but could also be strong. And I wanted to be the same for him.

If you have never felt something like this before you could not possibly understand how sexy it was – how much it turns you on. You were basically meeting another person on so many levels – spiritually, emotionally, physically, intellectually, and so forth. This made your body react ten times more than it usually does. The bottom line was this – my entire body seemed to be as hard and as on fire as the engorged cock pressing against Sam. And I sensed that his body – not to mention his cock – was the same. I had never desired sex as much as I did at that moment. I wanted to hold Sam so tight that we became one. I wanted to please him fully – knowing that would, in turn, please me completely, as well. He brought his face to mine and our mouths met in a passionate kiss. I knew immediately that I would never have a kiss quite like this one again. Our tongues explored every part of the other’s mouth. We would pull our mouths apart every now and then just so we could have the thrill of bringing them back together.

At one point Sam moved his lips to my neck and started kissing and sucking from around my Adam’s apple all the way up to each ear. I arched my back a little from the pleasure his kisses were sending through my body. I grabbed his head and brought his face back to mine – just so our mouths could continue to explore each other. Sam was moving his crotch in small circles so his cock and mine were grinding together. It felt like he was on the dance floor – and that made me more excited – just thinking of his body moving to music. I reached down and shoved his underwear down his legs – being careful not to catch them on his hard shaft. As I brought my hands back up from his legs I wrapped one around his hot throbbing piece of meat and stroked it a couple of times. Sam moaned, but never took his lips from mine. I could tell he was using his legs to shove his underwear completely off. I then raised my body – with him still lying on top of me – to rip my underwear from my body. I didn’t care that I destroyed my briefs – I just wanted to feel my freed cock against Sam’s own piece of meat. When our cocks met each other with no clothing between them it was like I was feeling pleasure for the first time. It took all of my concentration not to shoot my load right then. I could feel that Sam was just as close. I didn’t want our lovemaking to end like this – both of us releasing just because of skin on skin contact. I wanted something more. I wanted Sam inside of me. I wanted the intimacy of our bodies to mirror the intimacy of our sharing. I felt that Sam knew me on the inside and I knew him in the same way. I grabbed him at his upper arms and pushed his body away from mine. It was easy – as if he weighed nothing at all. As I held most of his body in the air I looked down to see our cocks. Sam looked down, as well. I can’t explain what it feels like to see your body naked – as somebody else from the outside. Like I said before – it’s very different than looking into a mirror. I wanted the body I was holding – my old body – desperately. It was so mixed up. I wanted it because it was Sam and I wanted it because it was mine. I was glad I was too sex-charged to think about how crazy this all was. At the moment nothing seemed strange. I knew what I wanted and I was ready to beg for it. I looked back up and met Sam’s gaze. He was as wild with passion as I was.

“Sam, please fuck me. Please.” Sam smiled and I could tell he liked the idea very much.

“But Nolan, I’m the smaller guy. What will people say?” I could not believe he was teasing me at this particular moment.

“To hell with what people will say. I want you inside of me. And I know just how to get you ready.” I lifted Sam further into the air and toward the headboard of the bed. I also scooted my large body down the mattress. When I had moved his cock into the desired position I lowered the entire rod into my waiting mouth. I opened my throat completely and swallowed his full cock. Sam cried out in pleasure. I then started lifting his body up and down in the air – while my mouth prepared his dick for untold pleasures.

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