Sherlock Holmes and Watson

“What have you done Sherlock?”

“What do you mean, John?”

“You have that look.”

“What look?”

“You know exactly what look I am referring to.”

“No I don’t. What look?”

“Like a cat that has just eaten the canary. You get that look when you have done something that might be considered naughty.”

“I would never do anything naughty, John. Mischievous maybe, but never naughty. I’m not a spoiled schoolboy.”

“Yes you are. That is exactly what you are. What did you do, Sherlock?”

“I have come to realize something very important after two incidents this week. These incidents have encouraged me to take matters into my own hands. I needed to rectify a problem and therefore I have.”

“Sherlock – what incidents and what problem?”

“Well, the two incidents are only connected by the issue that causes the problem. On Tuesday when we were chasing Moriarty and you let him escape down through the sewers . . . “

“I let him escape?”

“Semantics, John, but if it makes you feel better – we let him escape. There now, satisfied? Anyway, as I was saying, neither of us could lift that manhole cover . . . “

“The thing was bloody heavy, Sherlock! He used a machine to put it in place”

“My point exactly, John. And then just yesterday neither of us could remove the top of that jar of olives for Mrs. Hudson, even after banging it on the counter and running it under warm water. She ended up having to take it to big Harry the butcher around the corner. By the way, did you know he was a drag queen?”

“What? Sherlock, are you insane? Harry is what Americans would call six four and outweighs the two of us put together. Why on earth would you deduce he was a drag queen?

“You really should learn to pay attention, John. I could tell by the folded flyer for a competition at a local bar that was in his pocket, the remnants of make up still on his face, the strands of synthetic hair clinging to his clothes and the fact his feet had blisters that could only have been made from forcing his size thirteen monstrosities into much smaller high heels. It was easy to deduce after that.”

“Do you ever get tired of your brain, Sherlock?

“No, why should I?”

“Because I do. Now, tell me what you did to solve the problems of the manhole cover and the jar of olives.”

“Just know that in the next forty eight hours you will be experiencing some changes. I put a compound of . . . well, let’s not bore you with details you couldn’t possibly understand – I just enhanced your tea and that is going to cause some major enhancements to your body.”

“What do you mean enhancements, Sherlock?”

“Well, first you’ll need some new clothes – much larger, secondly, you will soon be strong enough to easily lift the manhole cover and open the jar of olives and finally you . . . “

“Bloody hell!”

“By the tone of your exclamatory remark, John, I see that the third enhancement has begun. I unfortunately could not avoid one major side effect of the compound. I’m afraid you will have a period of overpowering and maybe quite painful arousal as you change. I would suggest staying as calm as possible and the reaction from certain parts of your body could actually end up being quite enjoyable.”

“What have you done, Sherlock. I’ve never been this hard in my entire life! I can’t breathe.”

“Try to relax, John.”

“That’s easy . . . for you to . . . say, Sherlock . . . you don’t . . . have a prick that . . . has turned to stone!”

“A temporary downside to the change – you’ll be thanking me later, though.”

“Like hell I will . . . this is too much . . . I’m going to . . . pass out.”

“Don’t be silly, John, you’ll soon be fully alert and happy since those new sounds in the room signify your clothes are now beginning to rip apart – which means the growth is starting even sooner than I anticipated. That mean’s your gene pool is more conducive to the compound than I originally thought. This is good news, indeed, John. I think your changes will surpass my carefully thought out calculations. This is one time you may have unwittingly outsmarted me, John.”

“My clothes are too tight, Sherlock.”

“Not to fear, sir, they will soon be destroyed. See, look how your shoulders have now split the seams of your shirt in one big swelling motion. And there go the arms. My, look at the size of your biceps muscles, John. I hope that wasn’t one of your favorite shirts – since it is now completely destroyed. And look how your trousers are trying desperately to resist your growth – but, alas, your legs are just too big. Oh yes, I did, indeed, underestimate your growth.”

“This feels incredible, Sherlock – oh bloody hell, listen to how deep my voice is now!”

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