O’Melissokomos
The Bee Keeper

Journal Entries of a Bemused and Fortunate Man (ap)

by MS_alberta

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***New Journal***

***Bryce Charles Mackinaw, III. Personal Journal.***

*Friday 10:38am, August 2010*

My step mother says I need a partner.

For work, you see. She says I need a partner to run the family business. My father, her husband, died about 3 years ago. Since his death when I was 19, I've taken over the company, not without some head butting from the other partners, but I've made it my own. My step mother is not a mean or evil person, so far as I can tell. She is however a highly secretive person. Secretive to the extent that except for me and the family lawyer, no one knows my father remarried and fathered another child. When father died, I was faced with the choice of whether to keep his secret and continue supporting my step-mother and half-brother, or abandoning them. I would not turn them away, I knew my father loved both, and it would be at the very least, disrespectful to his memory not to honor his wishes.

Its only recently that I've begun questioning her ideas, and even possibly, her motives. I have done a fine job of running the firm, but 'yes', I have made mistakes I might not have if there was someone I could trust working beside me. Unfortunately, there is no one like that. Her solution is that I should keep it all in the family, and trust my half-brother. I think my half-brother, Zacharias, is intelligent, hard working, honest, and energetic. He is all of these things and more, but most importantly he is of 10 years of age. I don't know why she would suggest that I place him as Co-CEO, maybe she just means I should begin grooming him now, the way my father started grooming me when I was that young. I am not stupid; this suggestion of hers... my father died under normal circumstances, in a hospital, and diagnosed for over a year with a terminal disease, but even so, what if she was somehow involved, and is slowly removing the people in the way of her son inheriting everything. And if she does mean to place him fully in the business now... well, that's just insane, isn't it?

*Friday 4:52pm, August 2010*

Ah... She wants me to begin grooming him as it seems. She's asked I take a break and vacation with Zacharias for the week out on the shore to kick off our new relationship of mentor and apprentice. Zacharias seems cautious, but hopeful about it all. He is smart enough to know that his whole world is going to start changing now that he's on the path to help lead our company. I feel somewhat guilty; I don't know if this is what he really wants, or if he's even able to decide what it is he wants at so young an age.

*Monday 7:15am, August 2010*

I've worked straight through the weekend. We are now heading out to the coast on this fine Monday morning, with the hope that the area will be less populated.

*Monday 11:38am, August 2010*

We've arrived. Zacharias seems happy enough to be here, even though the trip wasn't his idea. We've walked up and down much of the coast line; he's been asking me what work is like and what it is like to be me. I can only give him generalities; any specifics would not be helpful. He is asking me in a child's veiled way, if I am happy at work, and by proxy, if he'll be happy at work. It is an unfair question, I was a serious child, nothing like the exuberance Zacharias displays hourly. He does not realize how deeply his questions have reverberated through me. I am now questioning for the first time, if I have ever been happy. I have no immediate response. I must accept the null. I have not, as it seems, ever been happy.

Here, however, with my half-brother, who is less than half my age, I am at least... untroubled.

He has asked if we can spend tomorrow and longer on the small luxury boat we own and keep in the near-by bay. I have no reason to deny his request.

*Tuesday 6:12pm, August 2010*

Perhaps I am seeing Zacharias a bit more clearly now that it is just he and I. He is certainty becoming a young man. Allow me to make myself clear. His attitude on the boat has been absolutely wretched. I am sure he is beginning the part of a child's life where he is becoming an unbearable teenager. Maybe he's been this way for a while and I just haven't been around to notice. I realize I may find myself in the role of a father, and he may choose to rebel against me for the next 10 years or so. I am not looking forward to this insurrection.

He spent the whole morning and afternoon sulking and proclaiming any activity I recommended to be 'boring', 'lame', 'retarded', and my favorite most of all 'gay'. My family has never been the sort to encourage that last particular adjective. He eats and does not move. The child acts as if he is older than myself and knows the cold hard truths of the world. He is, in a word, insufferable. The one saving grace is that he chooses to spend his time reading, instead of watching television. Even so, I am tempted to end the trip early.

End note: He has been trying all day to sneak a bottle of wine from below deck. When he sleeps tonight, I plan to empty all the bottles and refill them with prune juice. I am not without my own distasteful side.

*Wednesday 11:32am, August 2010*

I am surprised. This morning before dawn, and rather respectfully, Zacharias gently knocked at my door and requested to come in. Once invited in, he sat down on my bed and apologized for his behavior yesterday. He told me in his own way that he had been feeling very strange, that there were many different emotions all competing inside of him and he was just very confused and unsure of what to do and how to conduct himself. I cringe only slightly at the idea that I will have to be the one who has the 'the talk' with Zacharias about his body and growing up and such. I am incredibly proud of him, and his ability and bravery to confront his own behavior and errors and work to correct them. I also apologized. I, as the adult, should have realized that any acting out from Zacharias is more than likely a result of not only growing up, but what this trip means for his future.

He has asked to learn to surf today. I am sure his apology this morning was genuine, and not a ploy to gain this favor. I know how to surf, as my father demanded his 'dour and serious' son learn some kind of youthful sport, but am not sure of how adequate a teacher I am. We have hired one of the locals to teach him, and give me a refresher course.

*Wednesday 8:00pm, August 2010*

Zacharias is a superior surfer to myself. I have no shame in admitting it. Truthfully, I believe in one day he has surpassed our instructor in skill and talent. I find myself again wondering if his mother and I are denying him a different future. We surfed from just after dawn until our guide told us we should head back in, just before sunset. Zacharias looks the part now of beach-goer and local. I am now trying very hard to hide how guilty I feel; this seems to be a life he could embrace without regret. When we head back, I will research surfing as a viable lifestyle. There is a definable market for sponsored athletes. Regardless of what his mother says, if Zacharias wishes to pursue this activity, he will have my support. Lastly, Zacharias may still have a bit of that defiant streak in him, but it is not a problem. After surfing, he saw a henna artist hawking her services. He asked if he could have some designs printed on him and I conceded. Everyone should have some youthful rebellions, even unto society, and a henna tattoo seemed an easy way to accommodate his.

End note: This morning when Zacharias entered my bedroom, I felt as though I was seeing him as a unique individual for the first time, instead of a mere child. To have missed this change, I feel I must not have been spending as much time with him as I should. I am happy his mother recommended this trip. Until today, we've spent the whole trip essentially clothed. This morning he entered only in his boxers and the rest of the day was spent in the water. I've come to realize that he is most definitely becoming an adult. His limbs are elongating, and his musculature is more apparent. He is slowly losing the softened edges of childhood. I shall have to have 'the talk' with him rather soon, possibly on this trip. I must also be sure he does not expose the family to the financial hazards which come in the form of enchanting young women.

*Thursday 8:02am, August 2010*

Something is very wrong. This morning as I went to retrieve Zacharias from his bed, I found it empty. I now realize I am fully assuming the role of father; I immediately panicked and thought the worst; I feared he had fallen overboard. As I made a dash to above deck, I heard the water running in the bathroom. What I found was... unexpected.

A person, between being a boy and being a man, was posed only in undergarments, brushing his teeth. The most surprising facts of this young man were the henna markings on his body, and the face I knew to be Zacharias'.

How does a child born only 10 years ago, now appear to be a near fully adult male. He is almost as tall as I am. He has lost all physical traces of childhood. It is only in certain mannerisms and gestures that I can see my half-brother. His face is precisely what I would expect were he 6-8 years older than his true age of 10.

Zacharias has also expressed surprise, though he does not seem as concerned as I do. He noted most and with pride that he is almost as tall as me.

There is a definite difference in attitude and confidence. He carries himself with a grace, aggression, and intimidation that is not unwelcome, but rather a slight warning to anyone who would try to dominate him. He is still respectful to me, but now he will readily raise questions or suggest alternative ideas to everything and anything I say. I must admit, his brain works very differently from mine, and while his voiced thoughts are still somewhat jumbled and unfashioned, he is as capable as I was when I took over the family business.

Besides that, our similarities are few. He is far more frivolous than I am. He constantly reminds me that we are on vacation, and that I should stop worrying about his unsettling changes. I cannot do as he asks. I have never seen or heard of anything like this. He is aware that I am concerned for his well being.

Privately, I am a terrified of what further changes may come.

Zacharias insisted that we continue on as if nothing strange is happening. Though I do not think we should venture out into public, I believe I could not physically stop him if he decided to go without me. I have decided to humor him for as long as it is safe.

We spent the day surfing again. I am somehow more impressed today than I was yesterday. With his improved strength and coordination, his performance was outstanding, in as much as I am able to judge such a thing. He attracted a rather large audience today as he perused and saddled the waves. Many people are asking who he is. This is a question I have no answer for.

 

*Friday 12:38pm, August 2010*

I awoke again to find his room empty, the difference today was that half the contents of my wallet were emptied, and my personal luggage had been rummaged through. Zacharias did however have the courtesy to leave a note behind explaining himself. In the note he tells me he needed, and he underscored the word, new clothes, as he had nothing to wear. He has borrowed my most casual clothes, my gym attire, and took what he would assume would be a fair amount to clothe himself for the remainder of the trip. He says he did not want to wake me, as I seemed particularly stressed the day before.

I understand, and to a point appreciate his thoughtfulness and willingness to tackle issues on his own, but he does not understand how responsible I feel for him.

It took me 4 hours of searching the area to find him.

Around noon I found a crowd of people watching an athletic man perform various maneuvers and stunts on a skateboard. I am pleased to know my intuition and 'gut' to use the vernacular, are superb where Zacharias is concerned. I watched the young man for about 15 minutes hoping to catch a glimpse of his face or some small piece of body language that would give this man away as my half-brother. I was not disappointed. As soon as he saw me watching him, he proceeded to collect the clothes he had shed, as well as his newly purchased skateboard and walked over to me. He apologized for leaving so early and for staying out. He understands why I am concerned, but counters with the very apparent fact that he is very much, a man now, and entitled to do as he pleases.
Confronted with his bare torso and obvious physical strength, I am unable to fully counter his argument. He now appears to be approaching my age, if not a match already.

*Saturday 5:22am, August 2010*

Last night we arrived back at our beach property and had a solemn dinner. I am visibly agitated by his accelerated growth, and once again, I must admit that I am afraid of it, and for the first time, I feel physically intimidated by Zacharias. He has made no move or action to do so directly, but in observing him during any physical activity, it is plain enough that he is strong, agile, confident, and he is very aware of it.

At approximately 10:30, I told him I was going to bed, and asked him to turn off the television whenever he decided to retire for the night. This is the first time I have not dictated a bed time to him. I do not think he expected me to treat him as an adult without more argument. His surprise was blatant. I've realized, in at least some respects, I must treat him as a man and as an equal, as the rest of the world will also expect this of him and of his conduct and it is best to prepare him for that responsibility.

Sometime later, I was awoken by someone disturbing my bed; Zacharias.

He crawled in, as he has not done for some years, and openly searched for comfort from me, as a child does from his parent.

I am beyond confused. To date, this boy has treated me in a myriad of ways as his father. He has loved me and found shelter in me, he has rebelled against me and challenged me, he has turned to me for instruction and advice. In turn, I have found in him a son. A son who I have loved and worried over, and have been frustrated with, and lastly have become acutely aware of that the boy I have known is now a man, and my equal, and even in certain ways, my superior.

Over this period of time, I have adapted to suit him, as he has adapted to suit me. Somehow, we have become partners.

It was not long after he joined me in my bed that he sought out a different kind of comfort from me.

I would not deny him such comfort, and he did not deny me reciprocation. It is nearly dawn, and lying next to me, completely alert as I type this entry out, is a man who is my age, my height, and of equal, but very different wisdom.

***End of Journal***

 

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***Bryce Charles Mackinaw, III. Personal Journal.***

*Sunday 10:35am, December 2010*

It has been a long time since I wrote in this, but I suppose some things should be finished and not allowed to drift away into obscurity.

Zacharias and I are running the company, well... fantastically. I have never known someone who keep in pace with me so well, or who aggravates me more, or who I appreciate greater.

He makes me realize there is more than simply the company, even as he helps me steer and lead the behemoth. I will admit, because of him, I am taking vacations now, whereas before I took none. No one complains, as our revenue is steadily rising, and our projects to expand and redevelop are all under budget and ahead of schedule. Productivity and morale are at an all time high. I feel as though I had been working with only half of my brain before my brother's arrival. He pushes me and encourages me. He is every inch an exuberant and thrill seeking youth, yet somehow, the exact hammer needed to work against my own anvil of a person.

It is apparent to those near us that we are... involved. His mother somehow, takes no offense to this. It is as if she expected this. He has asked that we commission a portrait of us for our private quarters. I am unsurprised as to how he feels he should be attired. It is indicative of his personality.

I am very grateful now for the secrecy of my father and step-mother. Though I love Zacharias, some part of me knows there were forces at work in mine and my father's life for years. Something brought that strange woman into our lives, and something gave me a partner I couldn't hope to have found if this world were as mundane as I once thought.

I do not know what she is, or what he is. I do not know if they are human or something else. They're identities are a mystery to me, but their intent, is beyond scrutiny.

This will be my final entry. Zacharias has taught me I must do more than simply record my life. I must live it.

END

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