The Barber Holiday Special: A War on Christmas Carol
by Texzilla
The Barber had noticed the three men standing in front of his shop. The men appeared to be having a spirited conversation which was occasionally interrupted with phone calls and note taking. One man, an older gentleman with graying hair and a slightly pointed face was obviously in charge of the other two. Perhaps a boss, the Barber thought. Besides being a few years apart in age, there was little obvious difference between the men down to their three piece suits under their cloth coats. As they brushed the falling snow off their coats they finally they broke their conversation. Upon entering the Barber's shop they just stood for a moment looking at its proprietor.
"Yes?" the Barber asked
"Aren't you going to greet us?" the older of the men said.
"Well, hello, come in… welcome to my shop… have a seat? Not sure what you're looking for…?"
"Aren't you going to greet us with something that's more appropriate for this time of year?" again the older of the men said. The air around the three almost heavy with anticipation.
"You mean something like… Happy Holidays?"
The three men erupted in groans of displeasure. "So disappointed. How could you? Mike, get on the phone at Jack and his crew. I want them down here to film the outside of this building."
"Was there something wrong with wishing you a happy holiday? It is that time of year…" the Barber said beginning to shake out one of his sheets he used to cover patron's clothing when giving them a haircut.
"It's CHRISTMAS TIME!!! I can't believe they've gotten to you. You. The classic American barber in this a classic American barbershop. America and Americana means CHRISTMAS. I thought of anywhere on Earth that would be safe from the PC patrol it would be here. What is wrong with greeting people with Merry Christmas?!" he said taking off his coat and placing it on the coat rack. The other two men said nothing. The Barber was sure they were used to letting the older man do all the talking. Or pontificating as it were.
"Nothing wrong with it, I suppose. You are the first people who objected to being wished a happy holiday because it wasn't specific enough. I tend not to bring up any religion in the shop. While all are welcomed it's more of a personal need for peace and quite. This is quite a diverse area of the city, and not just because of the college down the street. With Hanukkah ending a short time ago and I believe a Muslim client mentioned something of a holiday after Ramadan called Eid ul-"
"Ohhhh, don't start in on the Muslims, my god. What's next? You going to be telling me the joys of Kwanzaa? You know they tried to teach that "Kwannnnn-ZA" to Stan's third grader's class. His ex-wife was all for it. Clear sign that Father's should get the kids in a divorce. Only 5 black kids in the class yet ALL of them were being forced to 'celebrate' it. Did a segment about it on my show… that put a stop to it."
The Barber looked over to the man who had been identified as Stan. He was trying to get his cell phone to work inside the store. As he heard his name come up, and the reason why, Stan had a funny look on his face. Not one of great pride and joy at the actions being connected to him. One of embarrassment that was trying to hide, but not very well.
"You have a TV show?" the Barber asked
"Only the greatest instrument for change in America today."
"My. Such a lofty goal from so humble a man. But please, if you're going on television you need a better hair cut that what you currently have. Let me make up for my ignorant greeting with a trim. For you and your friends."
"They're my assistant and producer although I like to think we're also friends." This again got a negative look from both men. Luckily they were safely standing in back of their boss so he couldn't see. "We'll take you up on your offer of a trim, but don't think that's letting you off the hook. Still going to be talking about this tonight."
"Don't know if we'll be able to get any film in time for the show. Can't seem to get a signal out to reach Jack and the video crew." Stan said shaking his cell phone as if that would help.
"Just a quick trim for the three of you, then you can be on you way. Like trimming a Christmas tree, yes? " the Barber said getting a slight smile out of the older man. "Taking something plain and truing it into something a little more spectacular."
After placing the paper strip around each of the men's neck and tying the cover sheet in back, the Barber tripped the latch on the bottom of each chair so they could be leaned back. The men's heads rested in the sink for a minute before the Barber began messaging in the shampoo. He worked quickly on two of the men before starting in on the third. It was the one man out of the three who had not said a word the whole time. As the Barber worked the lather up, the man's dark brown hair began to get lighter. And lighter still. Not going up the shades of brown to maybe a blonde, but straight to a silver grey. Defiantly a healthy grey, not dried out color that gave the impression the hair was brittle or dead as well as grey.
The Barber stopped shampooing the hair and rinsed away the suds. Along with some of the newly silvered hair. The man who was sat upright again was much older than the man who originally sat in the chair. And as the Barber worked on him, he seemed to grow older still. As well as just…grow.
The Barber started working the man's hair, clipping at the ends to tighten it up some. The hair had already been a bit on the longish side, and was now even longer. Perhaps the length in back was being grown to make up for what was missing on top now. As the Barber worked, more and more hair started falling out of the man's scalp. Not leaving him with a smooth patch of skin, but the obvious shape of male pattern baldness came into view. Not that the hair that fell out wasn't being replaced. It just was being replaced on his face as a thick beard of silver hair began to grow in. His face got slightly older the more the Barber worked. If anyone seeing the change had been able to note the difference, he was becoming one of those men who's real age was a bit hard to determine. Obviously no longer the late 30's when he started, but was he in his 50's……maybe into his early 60's. With is strong face, a beard now growing on a squarer chin under a more hawkish nose, he didn't look 'young' be he certainly looked younger than he was.
"All this fuzz," the Barber said slightly playing with the sparse strands of hair left growing on the top of the man's head. "Not exactly a comb over but still, not fooling anyone. Let's get rid of it."
Quickly lathering up the top of the man's head with a shaving cream from a brush, the Barber took out his straight razor. He gently rested it just above the man's right eye brow and brought it back. As he removed the stretch of fuzz like hair from the man's head, the growth under the cloth too off. Years of practice allowed the Barber to work despite the movement of the man in the chair. As the muscles grew in, he had to shift in his chair to accommodate them. His height went up so he had to move his back some. But he wasn't able to rest back as far as he had before considering how much his back grew in that short time. He had to move his arms out to his side slightly to accommodate the new size. Then again, and again. Ending with his arms not exactly at his side as before, but slightly more at a angle from his shoulders. Had he been able to look down he would have seen that the view of his lap was getting less and less as his chest got bigger and bigger.
Each swipe of the razor blade took more and more hair off the top of the man's head. Leaving a perfect horseshoe pattern when done. The lights in the shop reflected off the man's head as if it was covered in glass. Quite a contrast from the trim but thick beard that rested on his face now.
"You learn a lot about a man when you cut his hair. Like how you've kept it quite from your boss for years that you were born and raised Jewish. How you had to listen to all his statements that he tried to pass off as common sense. Justifying it as doing nothing more than saying what he knew everyone was thinking. When I fact it was the worst kind of anti Semitic ranting? Take in the sight for a few minutes. The site of a man who is proud to be who he was born to be. Got to do a mitzvah for your buddies now."
The Barber moved to the man named Stan. He took a moment to rise off the shampoo before moving him back into a sitting position. A great amount of water running off the huge afro the man now sported.
"Yes, very retro but a bit too much." the Barber said getting a large towel from the side.
The Barber held the towel over Stan's head and started rubbing it through his hair. With the fairly rough movements the Barber was giving, Stan began to shake some. The shaking hid some of the growth that was going on. As if he was shaking out Stan's muscles to large proportions. Like the first man, Stan ballooned in every direction. Chest swelling up so much that the sheet covering him raised up a few inches at the bottom. And then a few inches more till it was even with his knees as his height grew. The suit Stan had been wearing has disappeared, leaving the lower parts of his legs revealed as the sheet went up. His calves were perfect heart shaped globes. His feet were getting larger by the second, his toes stretching out more and more. If there has one been hair on Stan's legs, it was now gone, leaving tight smooth skin. Tight enough that some veins could be seen just under the skin and above the growing muscles coming in. He wasn't gaining as much sheer mass as the first man, but Stan was adding pound after pound of muscle to his frame as the Barber dried his new off setting afro.
Stan looked a bit younger when the Barber removed the towel. From another man in his 30's to a younger man in his early 20's. In the prime of life. A man lo longer a child yet, not yet at that point in his life where the term 'settling down' could be used. A man who lived for the day. Or for the nights.
"Should be dry enough now." the Barber said turning on his clippers. "Time to do a little shaping."
The instant the clippers touched the new Stan's head, the second wave of changes took place. Stan's skin darkened from a pasty winter pink to a healthy tan brown all the way to a deep rich black. Lips became fuller, more sensual. It might have looked like his mouth was stretching some, but it was only the effect of his cheekbones becoming more angular. His brow protruded just a bit more, with his eyebrows thinning out to almost nothing. The last bit of change was his eye color from an average brown to a sparkling brown with hints of red and gold.
"There, still big and beautiful but you can now go through doorways with it," the Barber said after taking the 'fro down to a more manageable level. Round and perfect, slightly flatter on tip but not too much, and not thinned so the ends looked sparse. "Interesting thing about these clippers. They have a reverse."
The Barber flipped a switch on his clippers and ran it over the new Stan's face. Above the lips and down one side till he reached Stan's chin. Then doing the same to the other side of his mouth. Till Stan was left with a fine mustache that stretched past his lips down to each side of his deeply dimpled chin. A last touch was a bit of hair just under the exact middle of Stan's lower lip.
"Very nice. I think you two are done. Why don't you check out the styling while I get your boss ready."
The Barber removed the sheet from around Stan's neck and then quickly removed the first man's sheet. Both men sat still for a moment before their eyes lit up when seeing themselves in the mirror wall across from them.
Anyone seeing the first man, now known as Ed, could only think of one thing. Square. Square shoulders. Square pecs. Square body trunk. Square ass. The long lived in solid body of a life long lifter. The skin not as perfectly thin and tight as it once had been. Even a little leathery in places. Not that everyone could see his skin through the forest of wiry sliver hair that covered him from his collarbone down. But that in it self added to the message that this man had lived a lot, done a lot and still had the power for just as much more. Ed walked over to the mirror to checkout his new clear head. As he walked his legs moved so to step around the massive form of each other. His ass moving like two solid rocks attacked to his lower back. Not swaying but still going back and forth with each step. While much of it was nestled in a birds nest of pubic hair, enough of Ed's thick cut cock still hung down low enough so that too could be seen swaying back and forth with each step.
When he reached the mirror Ed took one of his large thick fingered hands and ran it over his head. His biceps popping out like cantaloupes under his skin just from that simple move. Though his fingers were thick with calluses they were still sensitive enough to feel the silky smooth skin.
"Told myself I'd never let a razor touch this body. Glad I made the exception." Ed said turning around and giving the Barber the thumbs up. His voice was low and slightly gravely. A voice given an edge from years of cheap cigars and expensive Scotch.
"No one's asking you to shave off your bush, old man." Stan said getting up from his chair. "But if you want to trim it down so most of the boys don't walk away from a blow job with enough pube hair stuck between their teeth to make a sweater."
"The only thing guys walk away with after giving me a blow job is a gut full of cum and a smile on their face." Ed said grabbing his dick and shaking it the tall black man joining him in front of the mirror.
Somehow the new Stan gave the impression of size and grace at the same time. Should not have been possible given how wide his back was. How big his biceps were on long arms. His legs were massive yet, again, due to their color and length, showed no sign of being muscle bound. Unlike Ed's chest which sat like two fur covered stone slabs on his upper body, Stan's chest moved with him. The pecs sitting his and firm. Accented by two huge nipples that were some how a deeper black than his regular skin covering. The few stay hairs swirling around them the only hair on his body from his collarbone down. Again, unlike Ed.
It was when Stan got into the middle of the room, away from the chair and not yet at the mirror, that the lights hit his body just right. Suddenly bringing into focus the shocking exactness of his muscles. Even inch of his body was covered with muscles that were a textbook perfect example of how a man could grow them. His 8-pack rose from his mid section. Not one of the 8 round bulges bigger or off center from making two rows from his ribcage down to his groin. With his outie bellybutton the only thing breaking up their balanced symmetry. And that was just one area. Looking at the man, time and time again small details could be found. The muscles between his elbows and wrists. The perfect lines that led down his body to his groin. The heavy uncut cock that swung from his groin. Not blocked by any hair around it so the flesh was one smooth line down to the growing tip.
"Maybe I need to see what going down on a hairless cock is like. You know, to see if I'd like on myself." Ed said meeting Stan at the mirror, moving his hand around to rest on the back man's lower back. He slowly started stocking the cliff like bubble butt he found just below that. Stan just smiled and gave Ed a healthy kiss on the lips. Their facial hair briefly mixing together. Ed lowered himself down till he was all but squatting in front of Stan, his hanging low enough between his legs till it nudged the floor with the tip. Ed's belly protruded a little more than usual, only leaving the impression of the 6 pack he had under all that fur.
"You sure your knees can handle that?" Stan asked as he absentmindedly played with one of his nipples.
"Not my knees you should be worrying about." Ed said taking his hand that was still on Stan's ass and moving it between the dark black cheeks. A thick finger found it's way into Stan's asshole the same time Ed's lips wrapped themselves around his big dick. Stan reacted by getting a big smile on his face, leaning his head back and increasing the finger work on his own nipple.
In back of them the Barber was just completing the washing of the boss's hair. Had they not been lost in the revelry of lust they might have seen a much younger man than the one they used to work for being lifted into a sitting position. Younger by a good 20 years. Now only an 18 year old. And just that even. Thinner too. Gone was the heavy jowls and sagging face of the desk rider from before.
"Time to learn a lesson about what this country is really about. People of all colors, heritages and backgrounds giving each other enough elbow room to live their own lives. Maybe not always in peace. Maybe not always in harmony. But even ignoring your neighbor celebrating a holiday you don't understand, as long as it doesn't interfere with their celebration, is all the 'diversity' you need to worry about. And that's half the battle right there." The Barber whispered in the younger man's ear. "So, let's see how big a splash you can make jumping from your Ivory tower into the melting pot."
The Barber made quick work of the man's hair. In a way it was the opposite of what he did for Ed. After sweep after sweep with the clippers the sides and back of the guy's head was perfectly clear of hair. Leaving only a longish landing strip of hair on top of his head. As the Barber began to fade the area between the skin and the hair the young man's muscle growth beneath the cloth took off at an alarming speed. If gaining muscle mass could be used to describe what happened to the other two men, then there wasn't a term broad enough for what was happening now. Though the sheet was loose on the man's frame it still tore some when his arms burst through the sides. Instead of just moving up his body as he grew, the sheet was caught in the growth of his legs and thighs, pulling the fabric taunt. So that when the boulders that would try to pass themselves off as his pecs ballooned in, the fabric ripped to shreds.
The muscle boy beast sitting in the chair was actually breathing hard when the Barber began leveling off his hair on top. As the hair got shorter and more even on top, creating a perfect horseshoe flattop, the kid's skin began to darken. Not as deep a black as Stan's but still darker than the lame summer tans the man he used to be tried to achieve with make up for this TV show. His face became more angular, his nose more prominent and his cheekbones higher. His eyes grew wider but took on an innocence the man before never had to loose. How a beast of this size could look so sweet and innocent was hard to imagine, but the face in the mirror hid no venom or hatred as it did before. The innocence stayed after a heavy shadow of beard stubble appeared on the boy's face. The type of facial growth that comes in after a man shaves in the morning but doesn't look like he has by early afternoon. As a light dusting of fine black hair highlighted parts of his body, like between his pecs, down his arms and on his lower legs, the youth's new Middle eastern heritage was finally set.
Through the torn fabric the kid's dick began to grow. Partly from the rest of the changes going on, partly because it was just doing what dicks do when they get hard. It was much darker than it had been before, a smoky grey. It's foreskin regrown and longer than normal. The heavy breathing the guy had been doing shifted from being caused from the massive transformation that took over him, to the strain of all that blood going into his cock to make it hard.
"From being a really big dick to just having one. That's a fair trade." The Barber said as the younger guy's dick continued to grow.
The second the Barber removed the clippers from the boy's head the muscle beast was out of the chair and heading to the two other men.
"Gonna knock that shit off right now." he bellowed at them. "Ain't no body's going to be doing any fucking around here unless I'm in the middle of it!!"
"Just warming things up till you got here Ali." Ed said pulling his mouth off of Stan's dick. He didn't have a chance to let his lips get cold as the new Ali went in for a deep long kiss.
"Sweet mix of peppermint and cock on those lips. You still given up cigars?" Ali said pulling away.
"Doc said I had to. But between candy canes and cock… my mouth's not missing them all that much," Ed replied
"Ready to deliver your special Yule log to a good little boy, Santa?" Ali said grabbing Ed's dick and beginning to pump the precum out so it slicked up the shaft some.
"You're no where near 'little', don't see anything close to a 'boy' in front of me, and that 'good' category is in question too. But that's Santa's special gift. Makes dick that makes all the good boys into bad boys and all the bad boys into good boys." Ed said smiling a wicked smile.
"Why don't you prove to Santa what a good boy you are by taking over where he left off." Stan said pointing his cock in Ali direction.
"My favorite toy, and the batteries never run out." Ali said bending over and taking Stan's dick down his throat in one move. It was hard for the huge bodybuilder to bend all the way down, but Stan's dick being so long helped him reach his goal.
With his ass on display it was easy for Ed to find a place to use his hardened cock. He briefly rubbed his hands over the muscle-bound Arab guys ass, feeling his fingers brush the fine black hairs that covered it. The hairs got thicker the closer they got to the inner parts of his ass, creating a shadow like effect. Ed had been doing this a lot of years and didn't need a guide map as to where to stick his dick. A couple of steps to position himself right and one thrust hit the mark. So forceful was the thrust that Ali's head bumped into Stan's 8 pack.
"Watch where you're aiming that thing man." Stan said coming out of his sex driven haze. "Fool almost bit it off like a fucking Tootsie roll."
It didn't take the three men to work their way into a fuck frenzy. Ed, the older man who had a experienced enough in the past to fill three lifetimes already, and was far from done. Stan, a man in his prime, living for the day and the present. And Ali, youth untamed. Building up his body to ridiculous proportions not for any health or aesthetic reason, only because his hormones and testosterones told him how great it felt when he did. Eventually he'd become a defined bodybuilder like Stan and maybe even grow into a long time muscle guy like Ed. But today, he was their gym rat fuck toy and it's all he really knew he needed to be.
All in all they were who the Barber thought they needed to be to understand their lesson. From the Three Not So Wise Men to the Queer Gym Rats of Christmas Past, Present and Future.
Ali couldn't have been happier with the timing of everyone cum. Stan shot first down his throat so he could take in the full load and savor the taste. Only to have Ed shoot up his ass so he could feel the burning hot cum deep within him. Meaning there was nothing left but to pull himself off of the cock he had been sucking and do himself a quick stroke so he shot his load all over Stan's smooth black chest.
"Ho Ho Ho." Ed said as he pulled out of Ali's ass and gave it a slap.
"Shit man." Stan said to Ali while wiping some of the cum off his chin. "Stop squeezing your dick too hard. Going to bruise it."
"Just want to make sure I get it all out. Something deep inside me the more that's gone the safer I am from going back. Don't know what that mean but if all it takes is squeezing my dick… yea!!!!" Ali yelled as a second batch of cum shot out of him and onto the shocked black man.
"Crap, son," Ed said hugging Ali from behind. One of his hands reached forward and cupped one of the younger man's massive pecs. "I remember when I used to do that. Not going to concede that youth has any advantages, but that's coming close to being one of them."
"I'm just lucky that I don't have Santa's silver fur to comb all this shit out of. Not that I mind toweling it off of my smooth self all that much." Stan said motioning to the Barber to toss him a towel.
"Here you are." The Barber said tossing him a towel he had been holding for just such a job. "They keep calling you Santa?"
"Boys are being funny." Ed said beginning to dig through a shopping bag that used to be one of the men's briefcases. "We're doing a special Christmas show down the street at the… .uhhh… the…" Ed said like he was slightly embarrassed to admit where they worked.
"Strip club? I get a lot of the guys from there in here." The Barber said. "Haven't met you three before."
"Well they're new and I'm just filling in for the holiday. The owners saw me in the crowd one night and asked me if I wanted to be their Santa. Done a lot of crazy shit in my life but never this so, why the fuck not." Ed pulled a piece of clothing out of the bag and started pulling it up. As he rolled them into place they revealed themselves as being an incredibly tight pair of square cut shining red leather shorts. Just barely big enough to cover his crotch and just an inch short from being able to cover his ass. A thick black belt was next, with a big golden buckle. There was no way it could have been threaded through the loops of the shorts so it was just worn around his waist. With the shorts and belt the older muscle man looked like every Santa wet dream any horny soul might have had since the Jolly Old Elf was created. Made even more iconic when the Santa hat was removed from the bag and placed on his head. "By the way. Thanks for the shave. Going to keep it like this."
"I knew you would." The Barber said with a smile. "So if you're Santa who are these two."
"I wanted them to be my reindeer but this one couldn't handle the antlers." Ed said pointing to Ali.
"Do I look coordinated?" Ali said showing off his overgrown muscles. "Lucky enough to get on stage and not fall over while shaking my money makers. Balancing antlers was just NOT going to happen Daddy man."
"So we're elves. That's the best they could come up with. Elves. And not the cool kick ass Lord of the Rings type elves neither." Stan said pulling up a pair of briefs like Ed's except his were a shiny green. "You still going to let me play Santa a couple of night, right?" he asked Ed.
"Sure, if you want. No one seems to mind a Jewish Santa so I don't think they'll mind a black one."
"When I was growing up, all the Santas at the malls were black so, pretty normal for me. Ethnicity aside, I think our good little boy here is too young to pull off a Santa." Stan said helping Ali with the last few inches of his own green shorts he was trying to put on.
"If I get any fatter I will. Been throwing back the food since Ramadan ended like it was my last one. Still can't believe those idiots at the club. 'Oh you look so great, what's you diet?' It's called fasting!!!!"
"Yea you're really a pig." Ed said rolling his eye in his head. "Here, you blood sugar level seems low. Have one of mine." Ed handed Ali a huge peppermint stick, at least an inch in thick and about half a foot long. "Would you like one, Sir?"
The Barber took the large candy cane he was handed and started unwrapping it. "Oh course. Can always use something to suck on."
The three men broke out in laughter as they completed their outfits. Ed with his big black boots with white fur lining. Ali and Stan with goofy looking green felt shoes that had curled up points at the toes. All the shoes, on Santa and his Elves, had little bells that chimed when they walked. Last piece to be worn by the elves were green caps like Santa's but with added pointed ears on the side.
Santa and his Elves. None wearing shirts that would hide their mammoth chests. No sleeves to hide the huge biceps or the veins snaking down each arm. Legs strong and thick with impossibly big muscles. Round hard asses so large they were barely within the confined of the tight shorts being worn. Each one carry a package, but a package at crotch level. The bulge in the crotch on each man was as close to obscene as it could get, and maybe even over the line. This wasn't like most strippers that are safe for afternoon TV chat shows. There was no wondering if any padding was involved. Or anything added to block the appearance of the men's dicks. Anyone could see them through the thick leather like material. Plain outlines of each man's dick and his two heavy balls were outlined in the fabric. Ali's huge cock snaking up his groin so that it pressed against his skin, making it's way towards his left hip. If Santa and his Elves were the thing of fantasies, these men were redefining those fantasies with every second.
The three men grabbed their bags and left the shop. They stood for a moment in the cold night air before walking up the street to their job. Handing out huge candy canes to shocked passer bys and shopped out on a cold December night.
"And I heard them exclaim, ere they walked out of sight – Happy Christmas to all, we do three shows a night… "
THE END
(Special thanks to D for the "Something to suck on" line. Told you I'd give you credit when I stole it.)