Escape
by z119z
© 2006 by the author
The dream is the same every time. I escape from his control while he is occupied elsewhere. I silently crack open the door and ease myself into the stairwell on the tenth floor of the building. I can sense that the owner is not far away. Perhaps even now he is standing in the corridor on the other side of the door. I dare not look through the window in the door. He would see me and find me. He is waiting for me, waiting to possess me again, and I must move or he will discover me.
My breath comes in shallow gasps. The blood is pounding in my ears, and I feel dizzy. Surely he can hear me, hear my heart beating, hear my thoughts. I must escape soon or I will never be able to leave. The stairs are my path to freedom.
But do I go up or down? He would expect me to flee downward and rush outside. But before I reached the first floor, he would take the elevator down and be waiting for me in the lobby. If I confound his expectations and go up, I may be able to hide until he gives up searching for me inside the building and goes outside and then I can escape through another door. But would he perhaps not reason that I might try to trick him by doing just that, by doing what I think he will consider the unexpected? And if I go up to a higher floor, he will be beneath me and between me and freedom. Do I stay in the stairwell where I can hear him coming? Or do I try to find an open door in one of the corridors and hide in one of the rooms? But if I try to hide in the building, he will have even more time to find me and bring me back under his control. For I know that if he approaches me, I will be lost. He is too powerful to resist in person. His voice is so soft. It seems to come from within me. It says things I want to hear, so soft and so seductive. It is so easy just to listen and obey.
The thoughts pass in disordered fragments through my mind. There is no time to think things through. I must choose quickly or he will find me. I flee downward, down the stairs. Past the window beside the landing where the stairs shift direction. The safety glass reinforced with wire, dividing the world into neat squares, like those on the cage he is preparing me for. Outside there are trees and sunlight and cars and people moving about. I want to join them. If I don’t get out, soon I won’t be able to leave. I will be trapped inside the cage the owner is constructing around me. There is a room in the building that is meant for me, and once I go through the door and he closes it behind me, I will never be able to leave. I will be like the others. I hear him talking to others sometimes. They say nothing, but his soft voice commands and they obey. None of them can leave the room into which he put them unless he allows them to. They wait without thought until he summons them, until he activates them, and uses them for his purposes. I don’t know how I know this. Did he tell me what awaits me? Has he already put me into one of the rooms? Is that where I am now? The descent down the stairwell just another dream?
I have to remember that the doors to the stairwell have windows, and I must duck under them. If only I could check the hallways as I passed them to see if he is there. But he might be lurking behind any of the doors that line the corridors. I would never know until it was too late. I move swiftly down to the ninth floor. My body seems to float downward as I noiselessly descend the stairs.
The owner’s voice echoes in my mind. I think it’s in my mind. Perhaps he has already found me and is speaking to me. I can’t remember what he says. The bits and pieces of his words float into my consciousness as I go deeper and deeper. I don’t know if I can even see him anymore. He is hidden from me sometimes. I just hear his voice in my mind. “Helpless, unable to resist.” I must escape from him now. I can’t prevent myself from obeying him any more. He speaks, and I obey. I do what he tells me. When I am near him, he empties my mind. He tells me to see my life written out on a blackboard and then kneel before him as he erases it, erases all the words, all the memories, everything. With a wet cloth, he clears off even the chalk dust, until the board is totally black, totally blank, totally empty. And then I become empty, incapable of movement unless he orders it, incapable of feeling unless he orders it, incapable of thought unless he orders it. I become the words he writes on the board. The board cleaned of what I used to be, ready to become what he wants. His zombie, obedient and without thought or hesitation in carrying out his orders. His puppet, attached by the strings of his will power to his thoughts.
I should never have begun. It seemed so easy, so harmless. An experiment with hypnotism to increase my physical pleasure. And it felt so good. The owner made me feel so good. Every nerve in my body exploding with pleasure. Waves and waves of pleasure washing over me. Ceaselessly. It became an addiction. He trained me until the lightest caress from him, the lightest touch of a finger, his breath, anywhere on my body, pushed me over the edge into explosions of sensory delight, a galaxy of pain and pleasure that I had not suspected to find within me. No one but the owner could give me such pleasure. It was only by being with him and listening to his voice that I could ascend such heights of feeling. I had to have it. And then, when I could no longer resist him, the suggestions began. I could gain this pleasure only through him, only by obeying him, only by submitting to him. It seemed like such a small thing. I could humor him and, in exchange for giving up control to him, he would take me to those palaces of absolute delight. And soon, it was only by utter obedience, utter submission, utter surrender, to him that I could feel anything. I became dedicated to his pleasure. Obeying him, pleasing him, became my only purpose.
But there is still a small portion of my mind that is free. One that he hasn’t found yet. And I must escape. I must get out of this building. I must get away from him. My body feels so heavy. My arms, my legs, are just so tired. It is so hard to move them. They feel like heavy bars of steel, pulling me down deeper and deeper into sleep. It would be so easy just to open one of the doors and lie down in the corridor and let him find me. “So tired, so heavy.” My eyelids just don’t want to stay open.
He is so close. I can feel his presence near me as I pass the door to the eighth floor. “Deeper and deeper into sleep, as you go down the stairs. With every step your body becomes heavier and harder to move.” I must get to the ground floor. Then I will be free.
The fight against his power—it is like a struggle against waves. I fight my way up to the crest and there is another wave behind it. It would be so easy just to give up. To float on the surface and let the waves of his power take me down into his control. “Seven. Going deeper and deeper. You feel so good. Just relax further and further.” I am spiraling down the staircase, each step taking me deeper and deeper into the building. The tower that belongs to the owner. It is so warm, so comfortable on the staircase as I sink deeper and deeper.
“Six. Feel yourself effortlessly floating downward. Your body is so heavy. Just relax and let me carry you down the stairs. It feels so good just to relax and let me carry you.” I am trying to remember where I am headed. There was a reason why I am going down the stairs. Something tugs at my mind. If I just follow along with what the owner is saying, it will come to me. One of those things you can’t remember until you think of something else and then it pops into your mind. But it is such a struggle to think at all. And I am so tired.
“Five. Just float downward. Deeper and deeper. Just sleep and I will carry you down. Down into the state of utter relaxation, utter peace.” It is so easy just to relax, to give everything up, to cease to struggle. It feels so much better not to struggle. I have been here before, many times before, the wonderful place that only the owner can take me to, the place I can reach only through utter submission to the will of the owner, the will of the master.
“Four.” I must let the owner guide me to the first floor. The first floor is the place of perfect rest. “Almost there. Closer and closer to complete relaxation, complete peace.” I must escape from the stairwell to the first floor and to the owner. He is waiting for me on the first floor.
“Three.” Almost there. Just relax and obey the owner. Freedom from all responsibility, freedom to obey the owner, to let the owner take over and guide me. To cease the struggle.
“Two.” Must obey.
“One.” I open the door and step into the lobby. The owner enfolds me in his embrace, his warm body pressing me into him. The boundaries around me dissolve. The body, the mind, are totally open to the owner, to the master. I am emptied of everything, and he fills the void with his will, his power, his desires. What I once was has ceased to be, leaving only an empty vessel for his thought, his desires, his pleasures.
END
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